Wacko Weekend

The world turned upside-down again this weekend. I don't mean to sound surprised...I don't expect anything less of it these days. It's almost become a form of entertainment, just watching my life to see what else can possibly happen. Almost.

Friday night I agreed to hang out with Kevin. We went to dinner with the idea of playing pool afterward, but dinner ended up being horribly awkward and I pretty much told him, in politer terms, to leave me the hell alone and stop hounding me. I chose to skip the pool afterward because my mood was crashing fast and I wanted to get out of there. On the drive back to the house so I could get my car, he said, "Fine, I'll be your friend."

"You don't have to if you don't want to," I said, well aware that it probably wouldn't work anyway. I drove back to Wren's house in a nasty funk, feeling like I'd been unnecessarily rude to him, but lacking a better way to get the point across.

Saturday I worked until 3:30, then called him afterward to see if he wanted to do lunch. I felt bad for how the previous night had gone, and though it wasn't in my plans to actually apologize, I wanted to at least try to make it up. I didn't want him thinking I was angry with him, because I wasn't. I just don't express my thoughts well in person.

When I reached the house, he was working on his new-old motorcycle, and I held the new carb intake boots in place while he finished attaching them. Then I took a shower and we went to lunch. I have honestly no idea what had changed between that afternoon and the night before, but lunch was actually a pleasant experience. After we ate, he let me drive the truck up the mountain - the same place I got my car stuck with Aiden, except in the truck we went all the way to the top. He's teaching me how to properly go muddin'. I want to run the Baja 1000 someday.

We made it to the top with no problems, the formerly blue truck now entirely brown. We wandered around for a few minutes, enjoying the view of the valley, then walking back to the cell towers and laughing about the time we fucked up there and almost got caught by a family of hikers. As we were walking back to the truck, he pulled me into a hug. It was nice being up there in the peace and quiet, in weather that was finally nice, in a hug that felt comfortable. He tried to kiss me, and I ducked away, but some part of me tried not to.

We got back in the truck and I drove back down the mountain, then went and found more mud out by the old train switching station. I learned why you close the windows when you go bombing through mud like that: otherwise it gets IN the truck and not just ON the truck. Fortunately it was mostly on me and not the upholstery.

When we got back to the house, I curled up on the couch, Kevin curled up behind me, and we fell asleep for several hours. A little while after that, I found myself naked in his bed...honestly, I don't know what changed in my head to make me do that. It was a disaster anyway. Normally, Kevin is what most women wish they had in bed - he gets hard before his clothes are even off, lasts for hours, and can multiple-orgasm five times in a row. What can I say, I've been spoiled...so when he couldn't get it up no matter what I did, couldn't get it in, and lasted about thirty seconds, it didn't go over too well with me.

He said that he was out of practice (which surprised me) and nervous (which I didn't understand). I gave him a few minutes to explain, but when nothing made sense and I still felt used and insulted, I finally left. I was on my way back to Wren's, but somehow I ended up back at the bar in town with Kevin. We said nothing of what had just happened, but drank and shot pool and joked with the yokels, and I snuggled with the bar cat when he came and settled down on my jacket. After that we went to get dinner at my diner, then went to another bar and played more pool and air hockey until close. I spent the night in his house, in his bed, curled up in his arms.

The next morning we tried the sex thing again...it went even worse than the night before. I had told myself I wouldn't try again, but you know how well promises like that hold up when you're not getting any. We drove to Wren's house so I could pick up my schoolbooks and computer and then came back down. I made plans with him to go to a movie and have dinner that night, but when Wren called and invited me to go out with her and some other people and I looked bummed, Kevin told me to go with them instead.

So I went to a movie with Wren and her boyfriend, and her friend Shannon and her boyfriend. Aiden called me halfway through, and though I wanted to talk to him, I shut my phone up and put it away. As we were leaving I texted him a question mark, and he immediately called me back.

"So, I guess you got some interesting messages on Facebook," he said.

"I haven't been on in a couple of days," I answered. "What are you talking about?"

"I forgot to log off," he explained, sounding utterly miserable. "Lily went through my profile and read my messages. Listen, if I'm going to work on my marriage, I need some space..." He went on like that for a few more minutes until I told him I had to go. Disconcerted, mentally fucked up and steaming mad, I drove to Kevin's to pick up my books, then back to Wren's for the night.

As I'd guessed, Lily had used Aiden's account to send me a couple of really unnecessarily inflammatory and insulting messages, which I read and then ignored. After talking with Wren for a while, I calmed down enough to sleep.

I worked lunch again the next day, and I was in the kitchen when the bartender found me and said, "You just got seated. Somebody specially requested your section."

"Of course he did," I said, knowing it was Kevin. I hadn't told him the night before what had happened, because I hadn't had the words, and he was worried about me. I explained the short version, leaving out the part where Aiden and I were sort of dating again, and just saying that Lily had flipped out that we were talking at all.

"See, that's why I won't talk to them anymore," he said, like he was vindicated.

When I got out of work I had a text from my mom saying to call her immediately, which is never a good sign. Upon doing so, I was informed that my grandmother had died. That's the fifth death in my family in the last six months. I'm almost getting used to this.

I went to do laundry, and Kevin met me there when he got out of work. While waiting for the clothes to dry, he took me out for a drink. One of his friends called and he ignored it, but when he said the guy probably wanted to play pool, I told him to call back. I had homework, but it wasn't going to get done; I needed to get out and have some fun. So after dinner we met his friend Rizz at a taproom a few towns over and drank and shot pool. Rizz and I got along great, and it was the most fun I've had in a while. When Rizz left, Kevin and I went downstairs and I sang karaoke.

I stayed at the house again last night. I don't know where this is going, but I've agreed that we're "casually dating," though I've also made it quite clear that I'm living on my own and not moving back in. What I don't know is whether this is the real thing or just a honeymoon phase, a short spike of excitement due to having been apart for a month that's going to fade out again soon.

And as for Aiden, I know those weren't his words. He only told me that to appease Lily, but what he doesn't realize is that he's fucking with the wrong broad. He tried to call me at least eight times today, all of which I studiously ignored. Then he messaged me, and I ignored that too. He says he's got a letter for me, but he can go set that letter on fire and shove it. He told me to get lost, and he better have meant it, because that's what I'm doing. He won't find my car to leave that letter on if I can help it, and he sure as hell won't hear from me.

I know he misses me, and I want him to hang and twist and experience lasting and excruciating pain. Hey, I never said I was nice. At least I'm honest.