Night of Wren

I had sex with Kevin last night for the first time in two weeks. As a note, I barely count the last time, because I was drunk out of my mind...but technically that was the last one. Anyway, I got into my work uniform and headed to the diner, but once there, was told that they didn't need me. Apparently no one found it necessary to call and inform me of such; at least the manager apologized, but I was a bit annoyed.

I ran into Aiden for the first time in four days, but Lily and his son were there, so nothing happened but "Hi how are you bye." On my way home, it occurred to me that that was the last place in the world I wanted to be going. I haven't been disappointed the last couple of weeks when I've been put on closing shift, because being at work lately is more fun than being at home. I feel like a bitch saying it, but it's the way I honestly feel.

Halfway home, I turned down the music and called my old friend Eben to see if he wanted a visitor, but he didn't answer. I turned up the music, drove almost all the way home, then turned it down again and called Wren. She answered and was thrilled with the idea of seeing me, since we hadn't seen each other in almost two months. I considered just going straight to her house, but she wasn't going to be home for another hour and a half, and I didn't really want to show up there in my greasy-smelling uniform, so I went home first.

When I got there, Kevin was on the phone with his mom, but he hung up as soon as I came in. He was thrilled that I had the night off, and totally bummed when I told him I was going to visit Wren.

"I just got you back and now I'm losing you again," he complained. I tried to give him a hug, but the response was lackluster. "When are you leaving?"

"In half an hour," I answered.

"Oh, damn."

"Why?"

"I was going to take you upstairs and get you naked."

"Can you finish your dinner and get me naked and dressed again in half an hour?"

"Well, it'll be a little more than that. Wren will have to wait."

I knew I'd be late, but at that point I'd committed myself. I've had less than no interest in having sex with him for three weeks or so now, but I can't just stop doing it altogether if I want to keep things together a little longer. Once again, I sound like a total bitch in my honesty here, but it's the blatant truth. As much as I'd like to end it right now, I can't; I have nowhere to go. If he kicks me out of the house, I'll be living out of my car, and I'm far enough north for the weather to be deadly in that case. Better a live bitch than a dead bitch...right?

I cleaned the kitchen while he ate his dinner, then went upstairs. I asked him to join me in the shower, but he said he'd rather "get dirty and then get clean," so I stripped down and followed him to the bed. I tried my very best to act just like I always do, and I think I did okay - but when you feel like you're watching your own self act from the outside, it's impossible to know if you're doing it perfectly. I act by feel, and I felt next to nothing.

We made out, fondled each other, licked and kissed and nibbled. I was focused on the moment but not turned on in the least. I faked it until he started licking my nipples, and then I pushed him away almost involuntarily. Even when I'm totally into the sex, there are times when I don't like having someone's mouth on my nipples; and when I'm not into it, it's the most horrible sensation in the world, literally making me want to throw up.

I covered the push by rolling him over and treating him to my best blow job, but only got a couple of minutes in before he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up onto him. He had a little trouble getting his cock into me, since I wasn't wet, but enough of my spit was left on the head to do the job. I performed like a whore until he came, then played enough kissy games to let him know I was in a good mood and not upset about not coming myself. Honestly, there wasn't a chance it was going to happen.

Finally I got off him and joined him in the shower. I wish I could have showered on my own, but it wasn't a good moment to push my privacy, so I smiled and washed fast. I threw on some jeans, cleaned the toothpaste stain out of my favorite black shirt, and dashed out the door to a repeated "I love you! See you later! I miss you!".

"Okay, okay, I get it," I muttered to myself as I rammed the door shut behind me and hopped in the car. I stopped for gas, then hit my favorite northbound route, cranked the music and floored it. Kevin kept bugging me as I was driving via my two-way radio; I responded enough to let him know where I was, since he was testing equipment, but didn't bother turning down my music or having an actual conversation. Ten minutes along, I stopped responding entirely.

I knew just how much I needed the time with Wren the second I stepped in the door. There was a girly scream of greeting from both of us, and in thirty seconds we were talking about everything and laughing hysterically. I told her how much Kevin was driving me crazy, and she pointed out what I already knew: the things that are bothering me have always been there, I was just determined to ignore them before.

"Remember when we were on that trip?" she asked me. "And you were out of cell range, and he starting freaking the fuck out?"

"Yeah," I admitted. "Made me nuts."

"Thank you!" she said.

"No, thank you," I said. "I needed that."

While I was there, Aiden called, having gone to the store to go grocery shopping.

"Five days without Blue shouldn't suck this much," he said with a laugh, and I agreed. I was about to say something else when I backed into Wren's printer and knocked down a framed portrait on its lid. Having not seen it there, I scared myself shitless, then couldn't even pick it up because I was laughing so hard. Wren and I started screaming at each other, I don't remember about what, in hysterical laughter.

"Fuck you!" I yelled.

"Fuck you harder!" she yelled back from less than ten feet away.

"Fuck you with a stick!" I screamed, almost doubled over.

"Who are you fucking with a stick?" asked a very puzzled Aiden.

"Wren!" I hollered more loudly than was necessary. "I'm at Wren's, she gave me beer!"

"Then stop drinking it, silly!" she yelled at me.

"Sounds like fun," said Aiden.

"Oh hell yeah. Can't wait for you two to meet each other."

"Absolutely!" he agreed. "Anyway, I'm home, I should probably go deal with being married." We hung up and I went back to my psychotic ramblings with Wren.

She agreed that Kevin's abnormally needy and clingy and doesn't know how to let me have time to myself. Eventually her new boyfriend came over so I could meet him, and the three of us spent the evening talking and laughing and playing video games. I scarfed down chicken patties, beer, and chocolate chip cookie dough, and felt infinitely better by the time I left (despite trying beer and cookie dough together, laughing while doing it, and almost squirting the whole mess out my nose).

I'd been forced to agree as I left the house earlier to text Kevin when I left Wren's, but I didn't, just cranked the music and enjoyed the hour-long drive completely to myself. When I reached the house, he was surprised to see me, but didn't bug me about not having contacted him.

"So are you going to break up?" Wren had asked me.

"Yeah, eventually," I said. "I don't see this getting fixed, he's driving me around the bend. I just can't do it now, I'll be out in the street."

I was so convinced we were going to last forever. If he'd proposed to me a month ago, I would have said yes. Now it's just a matter of time until I can pull myself free. I don't feel good about this, but breakups never do; I need out, one of these days.