Aiden and I went to lunch yesterday after my classes, and then decided to go back to my house for a little while. He dropped me off at my car and I beat him out of the parking lot and back to my house by miles...which turned out to be a good thing. I had a strange feeling on the way over there that Kevin might be home, even though there was no reason he should be. Sure enough, I zipped up to my driveway, saw Kevin's truck parked out front, swerved and kept driving. Grabbing for my phone, I called Aiden; it took me four tries before he picked up, and I warned him of the unexpected development. We met in the parking lot of a nearby state park instead.
"Want to go muddin'?" I asked as he got in my car.
"Sure. Where?"
"Up the mountain, behind the school."
We headed off, discussing various reasons Kevin might be home, and how fortunate it was that we had gone to lunch instead of straight to my house. I figured he was just so worked up after last night's conversation that he'd taken the afternoon off, but I couldn't figure out what he might be doing. When he's stressed, he doesn't sleep, but he doesn't do anything useful either...I couldn't come up with a satisfactory theory, so I just tried to forget about it. I decided we'd do one run over the mountain and then I'd go home to see what was up.
That would have been a great plan had I not missed a turn and hung the car on a snowbank at an almost forty-five degree angle, nearly dumping it in the ditch. This has been a terrible season for me and cars - that's the third one I've gotten stuck in bad weather in the last three months. I swear I'm not that bad a driver normally...
There was not a hope in hell of getting the car out, so I called AAA, silently thanking my mom for insisting that I be a member. I just hoped they wouldn't notify her of the call for any reason. She'll kill me if she finds out, since the car I'm driving is actually hers (it belonged to my dad) and not mine.
Aiden, fortunately, thought the whole thing was hysterically funny, so at least we got a good laugh out of the deal. Despite the fact that we were in the middle of nowhere, he managed to run into two people he knew, one of them out walking her dogs and one of them driving. After half an hour he called his mom to come pick him up and drive him to his car, so he could drive his car back up and then call his wife to explain that he was keeping me company while I waited for a tow truck. His wife would flip a bisquit if she thought we were in my car together.
The tow truck showed up before his mom did, however, and they hauled the car and we went on our way. We met his mom at the bottom of the mountain, but I was itching to get going, having just gotten a text from Kevin saying "I think we really need to talk." I knew the second I saw it there was something wrong, and my stomach started to tie itself in knots. I replied to Kevin, saying "I'll be home soon," and, the reply came back "I hope so."
"I hate this sensation," I said, clenching and unclenching my hand that wasn't on the steering wheel. "Sometimes I freak out and I'm right, sometimes I freak out and I'm wrong...but I've been right about an uncomfortable number of things lately."
As we were on the way back to Aiden's car, Wren called. "Kevin knows about Aiden," she said, sounding more grim than I'd ever heard her.
"Why?" I asked.
"He said the neighbor saw you and him making kissy faces in the driveway." I wished my foot would reach my head for a good kicking. "The neighbor didn't know who the guy was, but Kevin guessed Aiden. I didn't tell him I knew anything, I just said I couldn't confirm that."
I sighed heavily. "Thanks hon," I said. "I love you."
"I love you too, babe. Call me."
I hung up the phone and tapped Aiden on the leg, since he was on the phone with someone too. He looked over and I made a throat-slitting motion. He hung up. "What?"
"He knows."
The last two minutes of the ride were silent. "I love that feeling of watching my life fall apart around me," I commented at last.
"I'm watching the same storm," he pointed out. "Except the boulders in mine are a little bigger."
"I know."
When I got home, I left my cell phone in the car, figuring I'd be out again in twenty minutes or less with all the stuff I could carry and not coming back. The front door was open, and I walked inside and looked around. Not seeing Kevin immediately, I dumped my boots and my coat and went upstairs. He wasn't there, either. As I came back down, I saw him disappearing into the kitchen.
"Hi," I said, walking across the living room toward him. Wren had told me not to tell him she warned me.
He turned around, and I saw the phone in his hand. "The neighbors caught you and Aiden in the driveway," he said flatly. I stopped and stared at the floor. I wasn't going to lie; I know when I'm busted. "Sit," he ordered me. "We'll talk in a minute. I'm calling Lily."
I happened to know that Lily was at the mall, but not wanting to explain how I knew that, I kept the information to myself. When no one answered the phone, he hung up.
I was fully expecting a screaming rant, anger, tears, throwing things, and for it to end with me out on my ass. But the showdown didn't come. There were tears, all right, but hardly any anger, no shouting, no threats, no violence. I apologized, feeling it was so much too little that perhaps I shouldn't even bother, but he actually seemed to believe that I was sorry. He also seemed relieved when I told him that Aiden and I hadn't actually had sex. To him, there was a line there, and he was glad I hadn't crossed it.
He talked to Aiden on the phone, and was remarkably human about it. Yes, he said, he was angry, and thought that what we had done was evil...but their conversation was civil and without threats. I think he intended it to be my breakup with Aiden, but he's wrong on that one - I will not let anyone break up with someone for me, no matter the circumstance. I'm less than human in a lot of ways right now, but that's a shred of honor I have left. I will carry on my own conversations. Nobody else speaks for me.
Against all my expectations, the night ended with me offering to leave, and then saying it was probably better if I left, and him begging me to stay and give him a chance. I agreed, feeling it was the least I could do for him in light of all the terrible things I've done...and the night ended with him taking me out to dinner, and us cuddling up in bed together and falling asleep.
I still think the vacation we have coming up next week is going to be the deciding factor. In all honesty, though I'm glad to be closer to Kevin again and have our friendship back, I'm not attracted to him anymore. I love him as my best friend, and I would be devastated to lose that. I will give him the chance because I owe it to him.
But the grain of truth that I have yet to say to anybody? I'm in love with Aiden.
You said it to us... and that's a good first step...
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