Heart-Shaped Glasses

Any of you who read my letter to Aiden are aware that I was ripshit angry when I wrote it. I had originally planned to tell him to get out of my life and then, if he wanted a reason, give him the option of reading the letter (but recommend against it). However, when I heard the rumor that lead me to write the P.P.S. about the other girls he was stringing along, I decided he wasn't going to get a choice.

I met him in town on Tuesday afternoon in the pizza parlor. We sat at the counter that faces out the window. I plunked the letter in front of him with a flourish, then mowed through two pieces of pizza with a force while he read it and reread it. I don't usually eat that much or that fast, but it kept me from having to look awkward about not looking at him. I have trouble communicating face to face sometimes, which is why I like to write letters when I have something important to say. The only way I can talk about difficult subjects in person is if I'm not looking at the person I'm having the conversation with.

So I stared out the window and chewed while Aiden read and then started talking. I'll spare the details, but the end result was not at all what I had expected. I'd been expecting some kind of showdown, an ugly and messy end, something absolutely fitting for the little hell we've created. Instead, he explained that Lily's accusation was a partial misinterpretation of something I already knew: he writes erotic stories and shares them with his friends. He even offered me his password to Facebook so that I could poke around in his messages and see that he was telling the truth. He's never met any of the friends he's shared his stories with except for me.

As for everything else I'd written, he apologized profusely; and though that's probably what you were expecting to hear, I can only tell you that no one acts that well. I looked at him just long enough to get a read on his expression, and the amount of pain in his eyes was truly startling. When he was done talking, I sat and stared through the window, my head spinning, trying to think of something to say.

"My life has become a mess of people I miss but can't trust," I finally said, and suddenly I was crying. He pulled me into a hug, and I held tightly to his arm, trying to control myself. Finally I took a deep breath and rested my elbows on the countertop, my head in my hands.

After a few minutes we left and walked up the street to my car, as I had to be at work. I watched him as I drove away, walking around the commons talking to Lily on his cell phone, and sang along to my stereo...

"Don't break, don't break my heart,
And I won't break your heart-shaped glasses..."

When I returned to my car after working dinner shift, there was a letter tucked under the windshield wiper. I forced myself to drive back to Wren's, shower, and get ready for bed before reading it. I'll post it when I have the chance.

"I've got mood poisoning,
It must be something that I hate..."