Lost in Limbo

This relationship is like banging my head against a wall. An overweight, bleached-blonde wall with a whole lot of paranoid attitude.

The concert on Sunday would have been fun had I just gone with Wren and Bella, but Bella didn't show and of course I had to bring Kevin. A couple of hours in, Kevin finally moved more than three feet away from me and Wren leaned over and whispered, "He's annoying me."

"Me too," I agreed. In a few minutes I managed to send Kevin off on his own to get change and a snack, and Wren and I found a spot in the shade and a few minutes of alone time. "So what exactly is bothering you about him?" I asked, hoping she would pinpoint what was bothering me.

"His existence," was the answer.

That evening devolved into a text war between the three of us (yes, even though we were all sitting right next to each other), as I expressed that I was excited to move in with Wren in the fall, and Kevin got upset that I wasn't distraught over not living with him anymore, and then took it personally when I told Wren what he'd said. He then proceeded the next morning to tell me that "some things should be private," even from my best friend. I told him that was bullshit, and we never did work it out. Well, I told him I would stop telling her things...but I won't, and he should know that. I gave him the disclaimer a long time ago that I tell her EVERYTHING, and if he disagreed, he should have said so then.

Monday being a holiday, I invited Wren and Eben to go swimming with us. I hadn't seen Eben in a month or more, but Kevin got all pissy about not getting to spend the day with just me.

"We were going to go see a movie!" he protested.

"We can see a movie with friends," I suggested, and got a glare in return. "Or we can see a movie another day."

"But today's a holiday."

"A movie doesn't take up the entire day."

"We would have done other things."

So Eben showed up at the house, then Wren, then our friend Rizz that we play pool with. We all piled into my car and headed for the beach, everyone talking and laughing and poking each other and shrieking - except for Kevin, who sat in morose silence in the front seat and played with his phone.

We found a space on the beach and stretched out on towels; unfortunately, I had to share one with Kevin, since we only had one beach towel. Rizz and Kevin eventually wandered away, and just as I was about to start a conversation with Wren and Eben, they came back, apparently having decided that I couldn't be left on my own with friends.

Eben went swimming, and though we were sure the lake was much too cold, Wren and I went and stuck our toes in, mostly because we wanted to be away from Kevin. Of course, he showed up after two minutes, while I was explaining why I haven't already left. At my "heads up," Eben went back in the water.

"Want to go for a walk?" asked Kevin.

"Not really."

He walked away again, looking offended, and Wren and I decided that the water could be frozen and would still be warm enough for making an escape. I was in up to my thighs when Mister Happy Horseshit returned, waded into the water, put his arms around me, and started dragging me in with him.

I would like to take this brief intermission to say that water and I don't always have the greatest relationship. I've nearly drowned three times in my life and I'm terrified of swimming pools. Though I will still swim in the right circumstances, I'm not entirely comfortable with most things that involve a great amount of water, and I have to be in complete control of the situation. I don't tolerate horseplay that involves me, like people throwing me off their shoulders or unexpectedly pushing me into pools.

Needless to say, I freaked out, screamed at him in front of all the families with little kids, and ran back up the beach, where I took over Wren's towel. The two of them showed up right behind me, Kevin annoyed with me and Wren annoyed with him, and he demanded that we go for a walk.

"Why?" I asked, not wanting to go in the least.

"I wasn't going to drag you all the way in," he said. "Don't you trust me?"

"Come on!" said Wren, clearly as fed up as I was. "You can't just drag Sky into the water, you know that, it's not -"

Kevin's glare and "talk to the hand" motion shut her up, and she stood and glared at him.

"Fine," I said, getting up and letting her have her towel back. "Go."

He walked down the beach to a railing that overlooked part of the lake, and I minced along behind him, trying not to cut my feet on the peastone that someone felt was necessary to create a path. The conversation was unnecessarily long, totally unproductive, and on the whole completely unnecessary. I even pointed out that it could have either occurred earlier (before my friends were there) or later (after they left), and that I didn't see the need to interrupt beach day; but of course, his ego couldn't take that, and he insisted that it was that important.

The only thing it did accomplish was getting me to promise myself that I would leave at the first opportunity. The annoyance and negativity finally outweigh the ease and comfort of staying, and the constant stalking and enormous ego have overtaken any regrets at leaving mutual dreams behind. I'll find my own dreams, thank you. I already know what they are.

So perhaps I can't go where I really want to go right now, since I have to come back for school in the fall anyway. But Wren suggested that I look for a job back near her, and when I have one, bounce back and forth between her couch and Eben's until she and I get an apartment in the fall. I think that could be a workable solution. Screw that, a good solution!