Skylar Sassypants

The D/s relationship dynamic is both old and new to me. I have known that I was some form of kinky since I was in my early teens, and over the years I've read enough material by kinksters and talked with enough kinky friends to have a sense of "I get what that's about."

But when I stop and think about it, I'm pretty short on actual experience. Kevin and I talked regularly about kink, but we never got around to a lot of it. Some things we played with once or twice and then set aside; in retrospect, he was really bad at introducing new things in a positive way. Sometime in the last year of our relationship he told me to call him Sir, and I said hell no. That title was reserved for Aiden. Even when I thought we were never going to speak again. Kevin never had that undefinable something that earns an honorific.

I've read on blogs and forum posts the musings of various kinksters on BDSM life, subs pondering how to be good subs, the definitions of things like obedience, Doms ranting or raving about bratty behavior, etc. etc. The internet contains everything, doncha know. And here's the gist of this post...some of the things that used to be merely academic to me are starting to become personal. Something that I might have read a year ago and thought, 'What is so difficult about that?' might be something that I read now and think, 'Wow, that's a really good question.'

Or an 'I wonder what that's like' becomes a 'That's me!'

I noticed a little while back that I get bratty when Aiden doesn't play hard with me. I came to that realization after a weekend in which we had entirely vanilla sex, and I turned into a pill by Sunday night. My tendency is toward the physical when I get sassy, and I ended up basically spanking him and getting no reaction. I wasn't quite conscious at the time of what was going on in my head, but I figured it out shortly thereafter and explained to him what had happened. He said he needed to remember that I need "regular percussive maintenance."

A couple of weeks ago, he threatened to spank me for spilling vodka on the table while mixing drinks. I slapped him on the ass, and he turned right around and smacked me in the face. I giggled. He remembered. (This entire exchange occurred in front of my derby wife, who didn't bat an eye...I'm so glad my friends understand me.)

My primary mechanism for learning and understanding is visual, and I think kinetic is a close second, or even a first in the right situation. I seem to depend on the physical reminders that Sir owns me. The verbal ones are excellent icing, but if I don't literally feel it, I don't figuratively feel it either. I get the craving to be pushed into a wall, to be held down, to be smacked in the face, to feel his hands on my throat as the world greys out, to be unquestionably reminded that I am his.