Muppetous

Speaking of learning things by fucking them up...this weekend has been ugly. After the emotional swamp-swim this week, I really needed a hug. I didn't go to see Aiden on Friday like usual, because I was playing in a game on Saturday. They were going to come to the game, but couldn't get childcare, so they had to stay home. Instead I invited the two of them to come with me to a teammate's party on Saturday night after the child was in bed.

Friday afternoon Aiden and I were chatting on the phone when the call dropped. I waited for him to get reception again and call me back, since he was driving, but he didn't. He was mysteriously off-grid for the rest of the night. He'd said something about Shelby being mad at him, and I figured he was spending quality time with her, trying to fix that.

I don't mind him being off-grid for a while, but I'd prefer to know in advance. I'd definitely like for it not to start with a hung-up call. And it must be nice to be Shelby, who gets his undivided attention when she's upset and occasionally shares him with me, whereas I get to be alone five days a week and with both of them the other two, maybe getting an hour or two of him alone every few weeks, and even when we get that, he'll answer his phone when she calls. In the middle of anything. I mean ANYTHING. Yeah, even that.

Saturday morning I gardened, then spun staff for a while, then went for a hike with my mom, then played the game. I played reasonably well and stayed out of the penalty box, the team I was playing for won, and nobody got hurt. My mom's housemate enjoyed her introduction to derby, and my wife showed up by surprise. Aiden texted me to ask if I was mad at him, but I was getting into game mode and there wasn't enough cell reception in the rink for an in-depth conversation, so I didn't answer.

The game took longer than expected due to some lengthy official time-outs, and by the time I got out, got home, and got showered, we would've been making it to my teammate's party half an hour before it ended. Feeling angry and antisocial anyway, I decided not to go. Aiden asked me what was wrong, and I, lying on my bed topless, struggled for words to explain it that wouldn't make me sound like a lunatic bitch. I was simultaneously chatting with Shelby, who asked if I was okay. I said yes and that I was just feeling antisocial.

I finally got out the words to Aiden, and almost immediately got a message from Shelby: "I can feel your nasty and I don't like it."

"What?" I said, mystified. "If you're trying to pick a fight with me, I'm not going to participate."

I did not say anything else to Shelby, but she continued to snipe at me. Trying to work it out with Aiden was hampered by the random shelling from the sidelines, and I finally said the three-way argument thing was ridiculous and I was going the fuck to sleep.

The next morning he asked how I was, and I said, "It depends - how many of you am I telling?"

"Just me."

We were back on good terms shortly thereafter, and then I heard from Shelby. It took us a lot more time and a lot more words to sort out what happened. We fight very differently, and neither of us understood what planet the other one was coming from. I felt like she had launched an unprovoked attack on me, and she felt like I was lying and keeping secrets and shutting her out. She prefers to scream it out when she's angry so everything gets said; I prefer to chill out and get over the anger before discussion of issues occurs. Her being mean to me made me want to hide in a corner, and my hiding in a corner made her want to provoke me until I came out swinging.

It's certainly positive that we understand these things about each other now, but I'm not sure how it's going to play out in future. I don't trust myself in a screaming match; I tend to lose my ability to speak, burst into tears, and then resort to physical violence. If there were enough size and strength difference between us to make that comical, it might be okay, but we are both big and strong, and a brawl would do serious damage to us both. I did suggest that the next time she wants to be mean to me, she call me something ridiculous, and I'll take it as a cue that I need to raise my level of communication. She suggested "Snuffleupagus - the Muppet elephant in the room." I approveed. We'll see if it works.