Yesterday wasn't such a good day...almost as soon as I woke up, Kevin started saying that he was concerned about me. The conversation continued after I took a shower, as we went to lunch, and before I left for work. I can't possibly relay the entire thing, and I wouldn't subject you to such even if I could, but I'll lay out the essential points.
He's noticed I've been distant/stressed/distracted lately. He's concerned about me and about our relationship. He doesn't want to lose me. He wants to be sure that firstly, I still love him, and secondly, I'm still in love with him.
The part that bothered me the most, though, was what he said about his ex (the one I mentioned that makes me look like an angel). "She got to the point where she had to be drunk to have sex with me...she let that slip one night." In all of the less-than-honest things I've done over the last month or so, that is poignantly the most guilty I've felt about any of them yet. He noticed that the last two times we had sex I was shitfaced-drunk; I'd hoped he wouldn't figure it out, but I should've known better. He knows me too well.
I didn't really commit to the conversation one way or the other. I know the "bigger person" thing to do would have been to own up at least to not being so head-over-heels into him anymore, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I went to work in the afternoon feeling like the scum of the earth, hating myself and everything about me, berating myself for everything I've done lately. I tried to put a good face on, but when the manager came up to me, gave me a pat on the back and told me to "Keep your chin up!", I realized I wasn't doing so well.
Fortunately, it was a rocking busy night, and eventually I got distracted enough to cheer up into my usual image. I did well in tips, and by the time I left I was feeling slightly less shitty, though still not great. I had managed over the course of the day to shake myself into doubting my entire life, especially both of my relationships. I drove home in a funk, unsuccessfully trying to shake it by singing loudly, took a shower and went to bed.
I was in a better frame of mind this morning, mostly because I was too exhausted to feel much emotion. Having not left work until 2am, daylight savings time meant that I got about six hours of sleep before going back to work again at noon today. "Spring forward" is my enemy right now.
Aiden and I were working the same shift today for the first time since the Thursday night of fireworks. Having worked myself into such a negative attitude the day before, I wasn't sure how I was going to react to seeing him; but as soon as he started joking around with me like usual, I relaxed. I was standing in the small area surrounding the computer in the back of the house when he came in and gave me a friendly shove. I shoved back, he shoved back, and I bounced off the trash can and just about fell on my ass. Startling myself, I let loose and laughed hysterically, and suddenly everything was better again.
We managed to leave at the same time, and drove around the parking lot to a corner hidden between two enormous snowbanks. He joined me in my car and I left the stereo on as we kissed and talked and laughed. I swear I hadn't set the music especially for the occasion, but it certainly seemed appropriate...
Cause baby we'll be
At the drive-in
In the old mans ford
Behind the bushes
'til I'm screamin' for more
Down the basement
Lock the cellar door
And baby
Talk dirty to me
He looked at the radio, looked at me, raised an eyebrow, and I melted into hysterics again. He has a way of putting this huge, silly smile on my face and of making me laugh no matter what's on my mind.
We agreed again that we want to be friends forever no matter what else happens. I also managed to simultaneously figure out my biggest hesitation in breaking up with Kevin and explain it to Aiden, which is a huge feat for me.
"I'm not interested in him romantically anymore," I said, "But we're still friends. I have a bad history of being friends with my exes - it never works, none of them will speak to me. I still like him as a friend, and that's my biggest holdup here. I know we probably won't be friends after I leave."
I feel somewhat better for having figured that out. The things that are driving me crazy about Kevin are things that I can't tolerate in a relationship, but would be fine with in a "just friend." If I knew that we could maintain our friendship after a breakup, or have some time apart and come back to each other as friends, I would be much more okay with this. But I have yet to have any success at all in being friends with an ex, and I can't stand the thought of losing Kevin as a friend.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Forty Minutes and a Couch
For those who left me happy comments on the last post...I've another for you, of very similar variety.
I was supposed to be at work tonight, but the manager called and told me they didn't need me, so I stayed home. I attempted to take a nap, but a little too much coffee foiled that plan, so I got out of bed again and went back to my computer. At four-thirty, Aiden called to tell me he was off shift and ask if he could stop by. I said certainly, but he didn't remember how to find my house, so once again we met at the corner store and he followed me home.
"So how long before we can expect to see him?" he asked.
"He's at the other end of the state today," I said. "And he hasn't left yet, so a couple of hours at least."
We dumped our jackets and boots, and I went to give him a kiss. I got a quick kiss in return, and then he put his hand on the back of my neck and forced me to my knees on the floor. I looked up, waiting to see if I was getting a spanking, but instead he took my hand and put it on his hip.
"That's where you need to be to find your present," he said. He told me yesterday that he was getting me a present, something small enough that I could carry it around without Kevin ever seeing it, that wouldn't make sense when I saw it until it was explained. I stuck my hand in his pocket and fished around until I found something, then pulled it out.
It was a small plastic bag with a sort of rectangular purple plastic cube in it. I stared at it, trying to figure out what it was, until he pulled it out of my hand, removed the bag, and handed it back to me.
"It's a dog clicker!" I said with a laugh. If you've never heard of these little gems, it's essentially a piece of metal, warped in such a way that it pops back and forth, surrounded by a piece of plastic housing. When you press on the metal, it makes a loud popping noise. They're used for training dogs and cats; you can get them to sit or perform some other response at the sound of the click. I assumed that's what he was planning to do with me, but the explanation was slightly different.
"Do you know how hard it is to say your safe word with your panties stuffed in your mouth? This is yellow." One click. "And this is red." Two clicks. I nodded in understanding. "It's a d/s toy I can get you without Kevin noticing," he explained.
Soon after that he was sitting on the couch and I was straddling his lap, my shirt and bra forgotten somewhere behind me. I pulled the elastic out of his hair so I could play with it properly, and this time I didn't lose it behind the couch. He has really incredible hair - just past his shoulders, dark chocolately brown and so incredibly thick I feel like I could get lost in it. I could play with his hair all day...that is, if there weren't more interesting parts to play with.
I could feel his hard cock even through the taught fabric of my jeans, and moved my hips slowly back and forth across his lap, teasing, as he licked my nipples. My sighs of pleasure turned abruptly to a whimper of pain as he suddenly grabbed my left nipple between thumb and forefinger and pulled hard. Involuntarily I dug my fingers deep into the flesh of his shoulders - probably hard enough to leave marks, too hard, but I couldn't help it.
"You like having found yourself a dom?" he whispered.
"Yes," I answered. "I mean, yes Sir."
"It's a little...creepy," he said, seemingly unsure if that was exactly the word he wanted, "How I've become so attached to you in less than a month."
"Creepy?" I asked. "Why creepy?" I ran my fingers across his cheek and into his hair.
"It's - hard for me to say," he said hesitantly. I thought for a moment that he meant I was distracting him, then realized it was more of an emotional difficulty.
"Why?"
"Well...I could see myself having a long and very wonderful relationship with you," he said, and I understood. I wasn't expecting it to go this way when it all began, either.
"You're not the only one," I assured him, and he looked relieved.
For a few minutes, we performed a nearly perfect replay of yesterday afternoon: his pants around his ankles and my mouth on his cock, me watching his face in dreamy fascination as he chewed on his lower lip. I was carrying on a fun combination of blowjob and conversation when the alarm on his phone sounded to warn him it was five-thirty.
"Aw, isn't that too bad," I said with a grin, but he turned off the alarm and didn't move.
"I'll take a few more minutes," he said, his voice thick. "I want you to make me come."
If he could get away with a few more minutes, it was more than fine with me; I had plenty of time. My jaw hurt, but he smelled and tasted so good I couldn't have cared less.
"See how far down you can go," he said, and I obediently stuffed his cock as far into my mouth as I could, until I couldn't breathe any more. "We'll make that part of your training," he told me. "Until you can take all of me."
I nodded and licked my hand from wrist to fingertips, then wrapped it around his shaft and went back to work. His breathing gradually became faster and he started to shake, and finally I felt hot liquid trickling down my tongue into the back of my throat. He was quiet as he came, but it was exquisitely beautiful to watch, the expression of intense pleasure that could just as easily have been excruciating pain. I licked him clean, then licked off my fingers while I waited for him to open his eyes.
"Did I do okay, Sir?" I asked.
What I can only describe as a giddy, dreamy smile spread across his face. "Oh yes," he said with a sigh, and I grinned. That grin hasn't left my face all day. It's why I'm hiding behind my computer screen right now.
I was supposed to be at work tonight, but the manager called and told me they didn't need me, so I stayed home. I attempted to take a nap, but a little too much coffee foiled that plan, so I got out of bed again and went back to my computer. At four-thirty, Aiden called to tell me he was off shift and ask if he could stop by. I said certainly, but he didn't remember how to find my house, so once again we met at the corner store and he followed me home.
"So how long before we can expect to see him?" he asked.
"He's at the other end of the state today," I said. "And he hasn't left yet, so a couple of hours at least."
We dumped our jackets and boots, and I went to give him a kiss. I got a quick kiss in return, and then he put his hand on the back of my neck and forced me to my knees on the floor. I looked up, waiting to see if I was getting a spanking, but instead he took my hand and put it on his hip.
"That's where you need to be to find your present," he said. He told me yesterday that he was getting me a present, something small enough that I could carry it around without Kevin ever seeing it, that wouldn't make sense when I saw it until it was explained. I stuck my hand in his pocket and fished around until I found something, then pulled it out.
It was a small plastic bag with a sort of rectangular purple plastic cube in it. I stared at it, trying to figure out what it was, until he pulled it out of my hand, removed the bag, and handed it back to me.
"It's a dog clicker!" I said with a laugh. If you've never heard of these little gems, it's essentially a piece of metal, warped in such a way that it pops back and forth, surrounded by a piece of plastic housing. When you press on the metal, it makes a loud popping noise. They're used for training dogs and cats; you can get them to sit or perform some other response at the sound of the click. I assumed that's what he was planning to do with me, but the explanation was slightly different.
"Do you know how hard it is to say your safe word with your panties stuffed in your mouth? This is yellow." One click. "And this is red." Two clicks. I nodded in understanding. "It's a d/s toy I can get you without Kevin noticing," he explained.
Soon after that he was sitting on the couch and I was straddling his lap, my shirt and bra forgotten somewhere behind me. I pulled the elastic out of his hair so I could play with it properly, and this time I didn't lose it behind the couch. He has really incredible hair - just past his shoulders, dark chocolately brown and so incredibly thick I feel like I could get lost in it. I could play with his hair all day...that is, if there weren't more interesting parts to play with.
I could feel his hard cock even through the taught fabric of my jeans, and moved my hips slowly back and forth across his lap, teasing, as he licked my nipples. My sighs of pleasure turned abruptly to a whimper of pain as he suddenly grabbed my left nipple between thumb and forefinger and pulled hard. Involuntarily I dug my fingers deep into the flesh of his shoulders - probably hard enough to leave marks, too hard, but I couldn't help it.
"You like having found yourself a dom?" he whispered.
"Yes," I answered. "I mean, yes Sir."
"It's a little...creepy," he said, seemingly unsure if that was exactly the word he wanted, "How I've become so attached to you in less than a month."
"Creepy?" I asked. "Why creepy?" I ran my fingers across his cheek and into his hair.
"It's - hard for me to say," he said hesitantly. I thought for a moment that he meant I was distracting him, then realized it was more of an emotional difficulty.
"Why?"
"Well...I could see myself having a long and very wonderful relationship with you," he said, and I understood. I wasn't expecting it to go this way when it all began, either.
"You're not the only one," I assured him, and he looked relieved.
For a few minutes, we performed a nearly perfect replay of yesterday afternoon: his pants around his ankles and my mouth on his cock, me watching his face in dreamy fascination as he chewed on his lower lip. I was carrying on a fun combination of blowjob and conversation when the alarm on his phone sounded to warn him it was five-thirty.
"Aw, isn't that too bad," I said with a grin, but he turned off the alarm and didn't move.
"I'll take a few more minutes," he said, his voice thick. "I want you to make me come."
If he could get away with a few more minutes, it was more than fine with me; I had plenty of time. My jaw hurt, but he smelled and tasted so good I couldn't have cared less.
"See how far down you can go," he said, and I obediently stuffed his cock as far into my mouth as I could, until I couldn't breathe any more. "We'll make that part of your training," he told me. "Until you can take all of me."
I nodded and licked my hand from wrist to fingertips, then wrapped it around his shaft and went back to work. His breathing gradually became faster and he started to shake, and finally I felt hot liquid trickling down my tongue into the back of my throat. He was quiet as he came, but it was exquisitely beautiful to watch, the expression of intense pleasure that could just as easily have been excruciating pain. I licked him clean, then licked off my fingers while I waited for him to open his eyes.
"Did I do okay, Sir?" I asked.
What I can only describe as a giddy, dreamy smile spread across his face. "Oh yes," he said with a sigh, and I grinned. That grin hasn't left my face all day. It's why I'm hiding behind my computer screen right now.
Half an Hour and a Sofa
Yesterday turned out not at all like I expected it to, or like anyone expected it to...but not badly. I had a lunch date with Aiden again, this time at a cute little Vietnamese restaurant on the top side of the street. There was as much cuddling and cuteness as there was eating.
"I can see you being a very easy woman to fall for," he said. I smiled, thinking that I would say the same about him. I can never seem to actually open my mouth and say these things, though. I'm so shy sometimes.
He went back to work for a few hours, then called me when he was done for the day. I told him to meet me in the next town over from my house, in the same parking lot where we pulled over at two o'clock in the morning a couple of weeks ago and had our first real taste of each other. I beat him there by quite a few minutes, since my drive is less than three minutes in length, and talked to my mom on the phone while I waited for him. I agreed to go up and visit her that evening, then hung up. Aiden arrived a couple of minutes later.
I'd already informed him on the phone that I was going to take him back to my house, so he followed me there. I didn't have any particularly dark intentions, honestly...since we didn't have much time, I figured we would sit on the couch and talk and make out. It was almost five o'clock, and Kevin leaves work at five-thirty, so there was no way we could steal extra time.
The road to hell, as they say...you know, good intentions and all.
Aiden threw me down on the couch and we started kissing passionately, our hands free to roam, knowing there wasn't a street full of people watching us. He pulled up my shirt, and I was reminded momentarily of the last time I had my nipples licked, the other night with Kevin, when I had pushed him off me in disgust. But before my mind could get any farther with its worries, I felt Aiden's tongue and I melted. I'm a fairly quiet sort in bed, at least during foreplay, but I found myself moaning involuntarily. I haven't been that aroused in a long time.
"May I lick your pussy?" he asked with a playful smile, and I said yes. He pulled my enormous bondage pants down to my knees, pushed my ankles over my head, and kneeled on the floor in front of me. Now, while I do enjoy oral in the right situation, it does almost nothing for me in terms of approaching an orgasm. My ex-girlfriend got me to come with just her tongue once, years ago, and it hasn't been done since. Actually, I pretty much refuse to receive oral these days, since I don't like Kevin's technique and don't know how to correct him.
All I can say about Aiden's style is this: he's got skill. Not just skill, but enthusiasm. I didn't reach climax, mostly because I was too nervous about being in my own house with him so late in the day, but I think that in the future there's a good possibility for it. He looked so content with his face between my legs that I didn't feel too awkward, and he seemed to know just what to do with his tongue - fast, light, not too pushy. I rolled my head back and enjoyed myself thoroughly for a few minutes.
As he leaned back for a moment to pull his long hair out of the way, I sat forward and pulled him into a kiss, savoring the taste of my own juices on his face and on his tongue. There are few things I find sexier than licking myself off of my partner's lips.
"I take it you like my work?" he asked.
"Very much." I pushed him onto the other side of the couch, undoing his jeans one-handed and sliding them down. I already knew his cock was larger than the average, but all I could think when I finally saw it was porn star. Feeling it through his pants didn't do it any kind of justice; he wasn't bragging in the least.
I got down on my knees, pushing my laptop computer awkwardly out of the way as I failed to notice it was underneath me, kneeled on it, and nearly cracked the screen. I laughed at my own clumsiness, then wet my tongue and ran it gently along the underside of his huge cock. I'm much more comfortable being on my knees for my partner than vice versa - submissive, remember? - and I happily got to work with my teasing. I had never sucked a cock even close to that size; I could barely fit him in my mouth, and when I did, the thought of breaking my jaw didn't seem so far out of reality.
"Better or worse than you expected?" he asked.
"Good," I said, and stuffed my mouth full again.
I didn't mind the pain in the least. Licking and teasing and sucking, I alternated between closing my eyes for better concentration and opening them to watch the beautiful expressions on his face. His head lolled back on the sofa, then came up again so he could watch me, his eyes half-closed in ecstasy. I could have watched him all day and night as he tried to keep contol, his hair set free and flowing down around his face and shoulders.
It was a good thing he had thought to set an alarm on his phone; it sounded while I was lost in my duty of pleasure, and I reluctantly got off the floor and put myself back together, while he did the same.
"You watch yourself," he whispered in my ear, pulling me into a hug, "I might just slide into you..."
I shook my head, grinning. "I have to leave you waiting for something, don't I? Otherwise I wouldn't be living up to my name of Tease."
He reluctantly agreed, and we prodded each other back into our jackets and boots and headed outside. I locked the door behind me and jumped in the car, not wanting to still be there when Kevin returned. Aiden followed me back to the main road, but turned the wrong way and kept following me when I headed north. I stopped, and he stopped behind me and came up to my window.
"You're a brat," he said with the sort of grin that threatens punishment to the naughty.
"I know," I said smugly. We made plans for him to pick me up at the bus stop in the morning, then went our separate ways. It was about three minutes later that I heard Kevin calling me on the radio. I responded, told him I was going to my mom's house for the evening, then signed off when the signal died and cranked the music.
For the first hour of the drive, I couldn't keep my hand away from my face. I hadn't had a chance to wash it before I ran out the door, and its smell was a wonderful combination of his sex and mine. I bit my lip, wishing there had been time for more, but also enjoying the frustration. I may be Tease, but I love to be teased even more.
"I can see you being a very easy woman to fall for," he said. I smiled, thinking that I would say the same about him. I can never seem to actually open my mouth and say these things, though. I'm so shy sometimes.
He went back to work for a few hours, then called me when he was done for the day. I told him to meet me in the next town over from my house, in the same parking lot where we pulled over at two o'clock in the morning a couple of weeks ago and had our first real taste of each other. I beat him there by quite a few minutes, since my drive is less than three minutes in length, and talked to my mom on the phone while I waited for him. I agreed to go up and visit her that evening, then hung up. Aiden arrived a couple of minutes later.
I'd already informed him on the phone that I was going to take him back to my house, so he followed me there. I didn't have any particularly dark intentions, honestly...since we didn't have much time, I figured we would sit on the couch and talk and make out. It was almost five o'clock, and Kevin leaves work at five-thirty, so there was no way we could steal extra time.
The road to hell, as they say...you know, good intentions and all.
Aiden threw me down on the couch and we started kissing passionately, our hands free to roam, knowing there wasn't a street full of people watching us. He pulled up my shirt, and I was reminded momentarily of the last time I had my nipples licked, the other night with Kevin, when I had pushed him off me in disgust. But before my mind could get any farther with its worries, I felt Aiden's tongue and I melted. I'm a fairly quiet sort in bed, at least during foreplay, but I found myself moaning involuntarily. I haven't been that aroused in a long time.
"May I lick your pussy?" he asked with a playful smile, and I said yes. He pulled my enormous bondage pants down to my knees, pushed my ankles over my head, and kneeled on the floor in front of me. Now, while I do enjoy oral in the right situation, it does almost nothing for me in terms of approaching an orgasm. My ex-girlfriend got me to come with just her tongue once, years ago, and it hasn't been done since. Actually, I pretty much refuse to receive oral these days, since I don't like Kevin's technique and don't know how to correct him.
All I can say about Aiden's style is this: he's got skill. Not just skill, but enthusiasm. I didn't reach climax, mostly because I was too nervous about being in my own house with him so late in the day, but I think that in the future there's a good possibility for it. He looked so content with his face between my legs that I didn't feel too awkward, and he seemed to know just what to do with his tongue - fast, light, not too pushy. I rolled my head back and enjoyed myself thoroughly for a few minutes.
As he leaned back for a moment to pull his long hair out of the way, I sat forward and pulled him into a kiss, savoring the taste of my own juices on his face and on his tongue. There are few things I find sexier than licking myself off of my partner's lips.
"I take it you like my work?" he asked.
"Very much." I pushed him onto the other side of the couch, undoing his jeans one-handed and sliding them down. I already knew his cock was larger than the average, but all I could think when I finally saw it was porn star. Feeling it through his pants didn't do it any kind of justice; he wasn't bragging in the least.
I got down on my knees, pushing my laptop computer awkwardly out of the way as I failed to notice it was underneath me, kneeled on it, and nearly cracked the screen. I laughed at my own clumsiness, then wet my tongue and ran it gently along the underside of his huge cock. I'm much more comfortable being on my knees for my partner than vice versa - submissive, remember? - and I happily got to work with my teasing. I had never sucked a cock even close to that size; I could barely fit him in my mouth, and when I did, the thought of breaking my jaw didn't seem so far out of reality.
"Better or worse than you expected?" he asked.
"Good," I said, and stuffed my mouth full again.
I didn't mind the pain in the least. Licking and teasing and sucking, I alternated between closing my eyes for better concentration and opening them to watch the beautiful expressions on his face. His head lolled back on the sofa, then came up again so he could watch me, his eyes half-closed in ecstasy. I could have watched him all day and night as he tried to keep contol, his hair set free and flowing down around his face and shoulders.
It was a good thing he had thought to set an alarm on his phone; it sounded while I was lost in my duty of pleasure, and I reluctantly got off the floor and put myself back together, while he did the same.
"You watch yourself," he whispered in my ear, pulling me into a hug, "I might just slide into you..."
I shook my head, grinning. "I have to leave you waiting for something, don't I? Otherwise I wouldn't be living up to my name of Tease."
He reluctantly agreed, and we prodded each other back into our jackets and boots and headed outside. I locked the door behind me and jumped in the car, not wanting to still be there when Kevin returned. Aiden followed me back to the main road, but turned the wrong way and kept following me when I headed north. I stopped, and he stopped behind me and came up to my window.
"You're a brat," he said with the sort of grin that threatens punishment to the naughty.
"I know," I said smugly. We made plans for him to pick me up at the bus stop in the morning, then went our separate ways. It was about three minutes later that I heard Kevin calling me on the radio. I responded, told him I was going to my mom's house for the evening, then signed off when the signal died and cranked the music.
For the first hour of the drive, I couldn't keep my hand away from my face. I hadn't had a chance to wash it before I ran out the door, and its smell was a wonderful combination of his sex and mine. I bit my lip, wishing there had been time for more, but also enjoying the frustration. I may be Tease, but I love to be teased even more.
Half-Nekkid Thursday
My first HNT...I'm not a virgin anymore!
Kitty decided she likes the idea too...
Kitty decided she likes the idea too...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Walking Date
After not seeing Aiden for five days, we finally got the opportunity yesterday to have another afternoon lunch-thing. Okay, it wasn't really lunch...I ate lunch with a friend from class in the middle of the day, but afterwards met up with Aiden in town. He grabbed a slice of pizza and then the two of us went walking, all over town, for more than an hour. Usually I don't like walking aimlessly - I'm a runner, not a hiker. But just being with him made it fun, holding hands or with our arms crossed and hands in each other's back pockets, stopping every random now and then to kiss.
It was colder than a brass teat in January outside, but I put up with it because we really have nowhere indoors that we can go. At least it was sunny. We talked about everything, from cooking to work to autism to his wife's accidental pregnancy (apparently the only reason he's married at all). I needed the workout, too...my legs are sore today from climbing all the hills. When it was eventually time for him to go to work, we got into my car so I could give him a ride to his on the other side of the hill. I parked on the back street, and the making out starting in earnest.
He unzipped my jacket (and then my second jacket...I like layers) and started running his hands over my stomach and my breasts while we kissed. I returned his touch, finding the nipple ring I knew was there. I've never been with anyone who had a nipple ring, and I like them. His hands moved slowly, gentle but firm and confident, and my insides started to melt. He pinched my nipple, and I gasped slightly.
"It's a good thing for both of us it's so cold outside," he said.
I nodded. "Uh huh, yeah, it is..."
"I really can see you and I have a d/s relationship," he said, something he'd mentioned in passing a week or so ago.
"I have no problem with that," I agreed, excited at the possibility. Kevin and I had discussed such a thing a while back, but it never really happened, and now there's no way I'd ever let him have that degree of control over me, not when I don't even enjoy fucking him anymore.
Aiden grabbed my hair and pulled my head close, so that his mouth was in my ear. "Would you like to call me Sir?" he asked.
I smiled to myself. "Yes Sir," I responded, then turned the conversation to nipple rings, since I was playing with his. "I've always wanted to get mine done."
"Just as long as I get to play with them first," he said.
"Of course," I said.
"Do you wear a barbell or a hoop in your VCH?" he asked. It's actually an HCH, but I didn't bother correcting him.
"A hoop, why?"
"You get a couple of horizontal barbells, and I'll get you a keeper...and I'll make you wear it at work."
"You're awful," I said. "And you would, too..."
He nodded. His smile made me dizzy.
This time there was no discussion of "is this a date?" He simply said that he thought having a "walking date" was cute. So we had an actual date this time. I'm excited. Oh wait, that's not news.
"I'll give Kevin credit for one thing," he said as we were leaving. I raised my eyebrows to ask what that one thing was. "He was right - I did need a girlfriend."
My plans for last night were to go to dinner with Wren at the diner, then for the two of us and Kevin to go out clubbing, but she didn't realize the dinner wasn't going to include him and told him about it. So the three of us went to dinner on Aiden's shift. He didn't have a section when we got there; he was finishing sidework and getting ready to leave, so after we finished our food he sat down with us. It wasn't really the way I wanted Aiden and Wren to meet, with Kevin sitting there staring us all down, but I'll take what I can get.
All in all, things didn't go badly...Aiden and I are both good at playing the casual game, and I've kept enough secrets for Wren that she would never say anything. My only moment of vague unease was my own fault and came when Kevin said again that Aiden needed a date.
"I just think that who he's going to be looking at..." he trailed off, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Oh come on," I said with disgust, "Are you really still on about him hitting on me?"
"No," he said, and I wanted to kick myself. "I think he's going to be looking for a boy, honestly."
"Oh. Yeah, I can see that, he's admitted to me that he's not 100% straight."
Usually I'm good at keeping my cool, but we all have our moments. I wish I hadn't jumped down his throat about it. Wren did her best to save me, too, by pointing out that flirting with your coworkers is just a fact of restaurant life, and she would know - she's been a waitress for years.
Nothing else odd happened, and after half an hour or so we all took off, Aiden home to Lily and Wren, Kevin and I to the club. It was a fun night, though it would have been better (as well as significantly more dangerous) if Aiden could have come, too. We begged him to join us, but he said his wife would throw a hissy and went home.
When Kevin wandered away to talk to his friends, I finally got a moment to ask Wren for her opinion of Aiden.
"He seems really effeminate," she said. "But not in a bad way. I mean, we didn't really get to talk much."
"I like that," I said with a grin, and repeated the same thing I'd said to Aiden himself earlier in the day. "I'm sick of the macho man complex."
Kevin claims to be so comfortable with his sexuality, and for a while I believed him...but then I started taking notice of his actual behavior, and realized his claim is bullshit. If it's not masculine, it's not for him, never mind that anyone who knows him knows very well that he's straight. I'll never forget the look on his face the night he got his ass pinched by a DJ in a club. It was funny as hell, but not pretty. I appreciate a guy who can wear platforms and eyeliner. Okay, in total honesty, I find them sexy as hell.
It was colder than a brass teat in January outside, but I put up with it because we really have nowhere indoors that we can go. At least it was sunny. We talked about everything, from cooking to work to autism to his wife's accidental pregnancy (apparently the only reason he's married at all). I needed the workout, too...my legs are sore today from climbing all the hills. When it was eventually time for him to go to work, we got into my car so I could give him a ride to his on the other side of the hill. I parked on the back street, and the making out starting in earnest.
He unzipped my jacket (and then my second jacket...I like layers) and started running his hands over my stomach and my breasts while we kissed. I returned his touch, finding the nipple ring I knew was there. I've never been with anyone who had a nipple ring, and I like them. His hands moved slowly, gentle but firm and confident, and my insides started to melt. He pinched my nipple, and I gasped slightly.
"It's a good thing for both of us it's so cold outside," he said.
I nodded. "Uh huh, yeah, it is..."
"I really can see you and I have a d/s relationship," he said, something he'd mentioned in passing a week or so ago.
"I have no problem with that," I agreed, excited at the possibility. Kevin and I had discussed such a thing a while back, but it never really happened, and now there's no way I'd ever let him have that degree of control over me, not when I don't even enjoy fucking him anymore.
Aiden grabbed my hair and pulled my head close, so that his mouth was in my ear. "Would you like to call me Sir?" he asked.
I smiled to myself. "Yes Sir," I responded, then turned the conversation to nipple rings, since I was playing with his. "I've always wanted to get mine done."
"Just as long as I get to play with them first," he said.
"Of course," I said.
"Do you wear a barbell or a hoop in your VCH?" he asked. It's actually an HCH, but I didn't bother correcting him.
"A hoop, why?"
"You get a couple of horizontal barbells, and I'll get you a keeper...and I'll make you wear it at work."
"You're awful," I said. "And you would, too..."
He nodded. His smile made me dizzy.
This time there was no discussion of "is this a date?" He simply said that he thought having a "walking date" was cute. So we had an actual date this time. I'm excited. Oh wait, that's not news.
"I'll give Kevin credit for one thing," he said as we were leaving. I raised my eyebrows to ask what that one thing was. "He was right - I did need a girlfriend."
My plans for last night were to go to dinner with Wren at the diner, then for the two of us and Kevin to go out clubbing, but she didn't realize the dinner wasn't going to include him and told him about it. So the three of us went to dinner on Aiden's shift. He didn't have a section when we got there; he was finishing sidework and getting ready to leave, so after we finished our food he sat down with us. It wasn't really the way I wanted Aiden and Wren to meet, with Kevin sitting there staring us all down, but I'll take what I can get.
All in all, things didn't go badly...Aiden and I are both good at playing the casual game, and I've kept enough secrets for Wren that she would never say anything. My only moment of vague unease was my own fault and came when Kevin said again that Aiden needed a date.
"I just think that who he's going to be looking at..." he trailed off, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Oh come on," I said with disgust, "Are you really still on about him hitting on me?"
"No," he said, and I wanted to kick myself. "I think he's going to be looking for a boy, honestly."
"Oh. Yeah, I can see that, he's admitted to me that he's not 100% straight."
Usually I'm good at keeping my cool, but we all have our moments. I wish I hadn't jumped down his throat about it. Wren did her best to save me, too, by pointing out that flirting with your coworkers is just a fact of restaurant life, and she would know - she's been a waitress for years.
Nothing else odd happened, and after half an hour or so we all took off, Aiden home to Lily and Wren, Kevin and I to the club. It was a fun night, though it would have been better (as well as significantly more dangerous) if Aiden could have come, too. We begged him to join us, but he said his wife would throw a hissy and went home.
When Kevin wandered away to talk to his friends, I finally got a moment to ask Wren for her opinion of Aiden.
"He seems really effeminate," she said. "But not in a bad way. I mean, we didn't really get to talk much."
"I like that," I said with a grin, and repeated the same thing I'd said to Aiden himself earlier in the day. "I'm sick of the macho man complex."
Kevin claims to be so comfortable with his sexuality, and for a while I believed him...but then I started taking notice of his actual behavior, and realized his claim is bullshit. If it's not masculine, it's not for him, never mind that anyone who knows him knows very well that he's straight. I'll never forget the look on his face the night he got his ass pinched by a DJ in a club. It was funny as hell, but not pretty. I appreciate a guy who can wear platforms and eyeliner. Okay, in total honesty, I find them sexy as hell.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Night of Wren
I had sex with Kevin last night for the first time in two weeks. As a note, I barely count the last time, because I was drunk out of my mind...but technically that was the last one. Anyway, I got into my work uniform and headed to the diner, but once there, was told that they didn't need me. Apparently no one found it necessary to call and inform me of such; at least the manager apologized, but I was a bit annoyed.
I ran into Aiden for the first time in four days, but Lily and his son were there, so nothing happened but "Hi how are you bye." On my way home, it occurred to me that that was the last place in the world I wanted to be going. I haven't been disappointed the last couple of weeks when I've been put on closing shift, because being at work lately is more fun than being at home. I feel like a bitch saying it, but it's the way I honestly feel.
Halfway home, I turned down the music and called my old friend Eben to see if he wanted a visitor, but he didn't answer. I turned up the music, drove almost all the way home, then turned it down again and called Wren. She answered and was thrilled with the idea of seeing me, since we hadn't seen each other in almost two months. I considered just going straight to her house, but she wasn't going to be home for another hour and a half, and I didn't really want to show up there in my greasy-smelling uniform, so I went home first.
When I got there, Kevin was on the phone with his mom, but he hung up as soon as I came in. He was thrilled that I had the night off, and totally bummed when I told him I was going to visit Wren.
"I just got you back and now I'm losing you again," he complained. I tried to give him a hug, but the response was lackluster. "When are you leaving?"
"In half an hour," I answered.
"Oh, damn."
"Why?"
"I was going to take you upstairs and get you naked."
"Can you finish your dinner and get me naked and dressed again in half an hour?"
"Well, it'll be a little more than that. Wren will have to wait."
I knew I'd be late, but at that point I'd committed myself. I've had less than no interest in having sex with him for three weeks or so now, but I can't just stop doing it altogether if I want to keep things together a little longer. Once again, I sound like a total bitch in my honesty here, but it's the blatant truth. As much as I'd like to end it right now, I can't; I have nowhere to go. If he kicks me out of the house, I'll be living out of my car, and I'm far enough north for the weather to be deadly in that case. Better a live bitch than a dead bitch...right?
I cleaned the kitchen while he ate his dinner, then went upstairs. I asked him to join me in the shower, but he said he'd rather "get dirty and then get clean," so I stripped down and followed him to the bed. I tried my very best to act just like I always do, and I think I did okay - but when you feel like you're watching your own self act from the outside, it's impossible to know if you're doing it perfectly. I act by feel, and I felt next to nothing.
We made out, fondled each other, licked and kissed and nibbled. I was focused on the moment but not turned on in the least. I faked it until he started licking my nipples, and then I pushed him away almost involuntarily. Even when I'm totally into the sex, there are times when I don't like having someone's mouth on my nipples; and when I'm not into it, it's the most horrible sensation in the world, literally making me want to throw up.
I covered the push by rolling him over and treating him to my best blow job, but only got a couple of minutes in before he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up onto him. He had a little trouble getting his cock into me, since I wasn't wet, but enough of my spit was left on the head to do the job. I performed like a whore until he came, then played enough kissy games to let him know I was in a good mood and not upset about not coming myself. Honestly, there wasn't a chance it was going to happen.
Finally I got off him and joined him in the shower. I wish I could have showered on my own, but it wasn't a good moment to push my privacy, so I smiled and washed fast. I threw on some jeans, cleaned the toothpaste stain out of my favorite black shirt, and dashed out the door to a repeated "I love you! See you later! I miss you!".
"Okay, okay, I get it," I muttered to myself as I rammed the door shut behind me and hopped in the car. I stopped for gas, then hit my favorite northbound route, cranked the music and floored it. Kevin kept bugging me as I was driving via my two-way radio; I responded enough to let him know where I was, since he was testing equipment, but didn't bother turning down my music or having an actual conversation. Ten minutes along, I stopped responding entirely.
I knew just how much I needed the time with Wren the second I stepped in the door. There was a girly scream of greeting from both of us, and in thirty seconds we were talking about everything and laughing hysterically. I told her how much Kevin was driving me crazy, and she pointed out what I already knew: the things that are bothering me have always been there, I was just determined to ignore them before.
"Remember when we were on that trip?" she asked me. "And you were out of cell range, and he starting freaking the fuck out?"
"Yeah," I admitted. "Made me nuts."
"Thank you!" she said.
"No, thank you," I said. "I needed that."
While I was there, Aiden called, having gone to the store to go grocery shopping.
"Five days without Blue shouldn't suck this much," he said with a laugh, and I agreed. I was about to say something else when I backed into Wren's printer and knocked down a framed portrait on its lid. Having not seen it there, I scared myself shitless, then couldn't even pick it up because I was laughing so hard. Wren and I started screaming at each other, I don't remember about what, in hysterical laughter.
"Fuck you!" I yelled.
"Fuck you harder!" she yelled back from less than ten feet away.
"Fuck you with a stick!" I screamed, almost doubled over.
"Who are you fucking with a stick?" asked a very puzzled Aiden.
"Wren!" I hollered more loudly than was necessary. "I'm at Wren's, she gave me beer!"
"Then stop drinking it, silly!" she yelled at me.
"Sounds like fun," said Aiden.
"Oh hell yeah. Can't wait for you two to meet each other."
"Absolutely!" he agreed. "Anyway, I'm home, I should probably go deal with being married." We hung up and I went back to my psychotic ramblings with Wren.
She agreed that Kevin's abnormally needy and clingy and doesn't know how to let me have time to myself. Eventually her new boyfriend came over so I could meet him, and the three of us spent the evening talking and laughing and playing video games. I scarfed down chicken patties, beer, and chocolate chip cookie dough, and felt infinitely better by the time I left (despite trying beer and cookie dough together, laughing while doing it, and almost squirting the whole mess out my nose).
I'd been forced to agree as I left the house earlier to text Kevin when I left Wren's, but I didn't, just cranked the music and enjoyed the hour-long drive completely to myself. When I reached the house, he was surprised to see me, but didn't bug me about not having contacted him.
"So are you going to break up?" Wren had asked me.
"Yeah, eventually," I said. "I don't see this getting fixed, he's driving me around the bend. I just can't do it now, I'll be out in the street."
I was so convinced we were going to last forever. If he'd proposed to me a month ago, I would have said yes. Now it's just a matter of time until I can pull myself free. I don't feel good about this, but breakups never do; I need out, one of these days.
I ran into Aiden for the first time in four days, but Lily and his son were there, so nothing happened but "Hi how are you bye." On my way home, it occurred to me that that was the last place in the world I wanted to be going. I haven't been disappointed the last couple of weeks when I've been put on closing shift, because being at work lately is more fun than being at home. I feel like a bitch saying it, but it's the way I honestly feel.
Halfway home, I turned down the music and called my old friend Eben to see if he wanted a visitor, but he didn't answer. I turned up the music, drove almost all the way home, then turned it down again and called Wren. She answered and was thrilled with the idea of seeing me, since we hadn't seen each other in almost two months. I considered just going straight to her house, but she wasn't going to be home for another hour and a half, and I didn't really want to show up there in my greasy-smelling uniform, so I went home first.
When I got there, Kevin was on the phone with his mom, but he hung up as soon as I came in. He was thrilled that I had the night off, and totally bummed when I told him I was going to visit Wren.
"I just got you back and now I'm losing you again," he complained. I tried to give him a hug, but the response was lackluster. "When are you leaving?"
"In half an hour," I answered.
"Oh, damn."
"Why?"
"I was going to take you upstairs and get you naked."
"Can you finish your dinner and get me naked and dressed again in half an hour?"
"Well, it'll be a little more than that. Wren will have to wait."
I knew I'd be late, but at that point I'd committed myself. I've had less than no interest in having sex with him for three weeks or so now, but I can't just stop doing it altogether if I want to keep things together a little longer. Once again, I sound like a total bitch in my honesty here, but it's the blatant truth. As much as I'd like to end it right now, I can't; I have nowhere to go. If he kicks me out of the house, I'll be living out of my car, and I'm far enough north for the weather to be deadly in that case. Better a live bitch than a dead bitch...right?
I cleaned the kitchen while he ate his dinner, then went upstairs. I asked him to join me in the shower, but he said he'd rather "get dirty and then get clean," so I stripped down and followed him to the bed. I tried my very best to act just like I always do, and I think I did okay - but when you feel like you're watching your own self act from the outside, it's impossible to know if you're doing it perfectly. I act by feel, and I felt next to nothing.
We made out, fondled each other, licked and kissed and nibbled. I was focused on the moment but not turned on in the least. I faked it until he started licking my nipples, and then I pushed him away almost involuntarily. Even when I'm totally into the sex, there are times when I don't like having someone's mouth on my nipples; and when I'm not into it, it's the most horrible sensation in the world, literally making me want to throw up.
I covered the push by rolling him over and treating him to my best blow job, but only got a couple of minutes in before he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up onto him. He had a little trouble getting his cock into me, since I wasn't wet, but enough of my spit was left on the head to do the job. I performed like a whore until he came, then played enough kissy games to let him know I was in a good mood and not upset about not coming myself. Honestly, there wasn't a chance it was going to happen.
Finally I got off him and joined him in the shower. I wish I could have showered on my own, but it wasn't a good moment to push my privacy, so I smiled and washed fast. I threw on some jeans, cleaned the toothpaste stain out of my favorite black shirt, and dashed out the door to a repeated "I love you! See you later! I miss you!".
"Okay, okay, I get it," I muttered to myself as I rammed the door shut behind me and hopped in the car. I stopped for gas, then hit my favorite northbound route, cranked the music and floored it. Kevin kept bugging me as I was driving via my two-way radio; I responded enough to let him know where I was, since he was testing equipment, but didn't bother turning down my music or having an actual conversation. Ten minutes along, I stopped responding entirely.
I knew just how much I needed the time with Wren the second I stepped in the door. There was a girly scream of greeting from both of us, and in thirty seconds we were talking about everything and laughing hysterically. I told her how much Kevin was driving me crazy, and she pointed out what I already knew: the things that are bothering me have always been there, I was just determined to ignore them before.
"Remember when we were on that trip?" she asked me. "And you were out of cell range, and he starting freaking the fuck out?"
"Yeah," I admitted. "Made me nuts."
"Thank you!" she said.
"No, thank you," I said. "I needed that."
While I was there, Aiden called, having gone to the store to go grocery shopping.
"Five days without Blue shouldn't suck this much," he said with a laugh, and I agreed. I was about to say something else when I backed into Wren's printer and knocked down a framed portrait on its lid. Having not seen it there, I scared myself shitless, then couldn't even pick it up because I was laughing so hard. Wren and I started screaming at each other, I don't remember about what, in hysterical laughter.
"Fuck you!" I yelled.
"Fuck you harder!" she yelled back from less than ten feet away.
"Fuck you with a stick!" I screamed, almost doubled over.
"Who are you fucking with a stick?" asked a very puzzled Aiden.
"Wren!" I hollered more loudly than was necessary. "I'm at Wren's, she gave me beer!"
"Then stop drinking it, silly!" she yelled at me.
"Sounds like fun," said Aiden.
"Oh hell yeah. Can't wait for you two to meet each other."
"Absolutely!" he agreed. "Anyway, I'm home, I should probably go deal with being married." We hung up and I went back to my psychotic ramblings with Wren.
She agreed that Kevin's abnormally needy and clingy and doesn't know how to let me have time to myself. Eventually her new boyfriend came over so I could meet him, and the three of us spent the evening talking and laughing and playing video games. I scarfed down chicken patties, beer, and chocolate chip cookie dough, and felt infinitely better by the time I left (despite trying beer and cookie dough together, laughing while doing it, and almost squirting the whole mess out my nose).
I'd been forced to agree as I left the house earlier to text Kevin when I left Wren's, but I didn't, just cranked the music and enjoyed the hour-long drive completely to myself. When I reached the house, he was surprised to see me, but didn't bug me about not having contacted him.
"So are you going to break up?" Wren had asked me.
"Yeah, eventually," I said. "I don't see this getting fixed, he's driving me around the bend. I just can't do it now, I'll be out in the street."
I was so convinced we were going to last forever. If he'd proposed to me a month ago, I would have said yes. Now it's just a matter of time until I can pull myself free. I don't feel good about this, but breakups never do; I need out, one of these days.
TMI Tuesday
1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?
Sex with a guy! I was convinced for a while that I was a lesbian...exclusive, long-term relationship with a girl and all that. I loved making love to her, but when she penetrated me (whether with her fingers or a dildo) I always ended up crying. It seemed to the be the sensation that caused that reaction, so I was terrified that the first time I had sex with a guy it would wind up in tears, but it didn't. I LOVED it. Haven't let a woman penetrate me since ;)
2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?
Sixty-nine. Blah. Boring. The view of blanket/balls just does nothing for me.
3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
I pick a body part and start licking/sucking/nibbling. With siginificant other, it can be any - hands, neck, ears, mouth, whatever (though I don't suck toes). With someone new, either I'll nibble their neck or ear or I'll just let my hands cause their own trouble while we're making out.
4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?
Pretty much any way he can, from kissing to nibbling to saying "Let's go upstairs and get naked." Sometimes I'm woken up in the middle of the night by his hard-on poking me in the lower back, too.
5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
There was one guy that I almost had a fling with. We got as far as doing oral, but I didn't let him actually have intercourse with me. I kind of wished later that I'd lost my virginity to him, but I've never really decided once and for all if I honestly do wish that.
I'd link back to TMI Tuesday if I hadn't lost the link. Oops. Anyone care to help me out?
Sex with a guy! I was convinced for a while that I was a lesbian...exclusive, long-term relationship with a girl and all that. I loved making love to her, but when she penetrated me (whether with her fingers or a dildo) I always ended up crying. It seemed to the be the sensation that caused that reaction, so I was terrified that the first time I had sex with a guy it would wind up in tears, but it didn't. I LOVED it. Haven't let a woman penetrate me since ;)
2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?
Sixty-nine. Blah. Boring. The view of blanket/balls just does nothing for me.
3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
I pick a body part and start licking/sucking/nibbling. With siginificant other, it can be any - hands, neck, ears, mouth, whatever (though I don't suck toes). With someone new, either I'll nibble their neck or ear or I'll just let my hands cause their own trouble while we're making out.
4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?
Pretty much any way he can, from kissing to nibbling to saying "Let's go upstairs and get naked." Sometimes I'm woken up in the middle of the night by his hard-on poking me in the lower back, too.
5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
There was one guy that I almost had a fling with. We got as far as doing oral, but I didn't let him actually have intercourse with me. I kind of wished later that I'd lost my virginity to him, but I've never really decided once and for all if I honestly do wish that.
I'd link back to TMI Tuesday if I hadn't lost the link. Oops. Anyone care to help me out?
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