I wasn't sure I'd see Aiden today, since he was working at the diner and they're not too good about giving breaks, but I should have known he'd manage. He called me as I was getting out of class and asked where I was. I told him to meet me on campus at one of the large, well-known buildings, and he said he'd be there soon.
I hung around by the entrance for a while until my phone buzzed again. He said he was at the other entrance, so I ran down the concourse to go find him. It was brought to my attention rather rudely that I haven't been for a run in far too long; it wasn't the heavy motorcycle boots or carrying my schoolbag that had me gasping for air by the time I reached his car.
"Hey pretty lady," he greeted me as I hopped in the front seat, and gave me an enthusiastic kiss. We headed over to another small, back-street restaurant in the same town as yesterday, this time Mexican instead of Asian, and sat down with tacos.
It's taken me a while to notice, since it never shows at work, but he does have a rather ADD personality style (or is it ADHD? I never remember). We were talking about sailboats and water and drowning, and suddenly he asked, "Do you sing?" He made it sound like it had something to do with water, but it was completely random. Fortunately I find that sort of thing mostly amusing and not annoying.
"So I think my wife has just become completely asexual," he announced, and of course I asked for details. "I kissed her last night and she told me, 'Don't even think about it, I won't sleep.'"
"Wow, harsh," I sympathized, and gave him a half-kidding pat on the head. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
I dumped more hot sauce on my taco, finished it off, and started spinning the plate in circles on the table. The bottoms of their plates are slightly rounded, making them difficult to eat off of but great entertainment.
"You know, this is the first time I've really made the effort to be friends first," he said thoughtfully. Caught off guard, I gave him a look that was probably much weirder than intended. I couldn't get the words out to say I appreciated it, but one of these days I will.
As we were getting back in his car afterwards, my phone buzzed and I flipped it open. "Oh, it's Wren!" I said excitedly.
"Here," he said, reaching for the phone, and I handed it to him. He stared at it in confusion while it had a silent technological fit - I hate my phone.
"What are you gonna do?" I asked, taking it back.
"I was going to call Wren," he said with a mischievious grin. I beat my phone into submission, dialed Wren, and handed it back to him.
I heard a squawk on the other end, then he said, "Hi Wren, it's Aiden! How are you?" I couldn't hear her end of the conversation, but I didn't need to; I know her well enough I could hear it in my head and fill in the rest from his responses. She was surprised to find herself talking to him, but immediately took the opportunity to bug him to go out clubbing with us next week so she can meet him. He said he'd do his best to be there, then handed the phone back to me.
I think she was trying to tell me something about Mike, but with Aiden driving the car with one hand and stroking my leg with the other, I couldn't hear myself think, so I agreed to talk her later. I started patting him in return, and by the time we were five minutes back toward the diner, I was biting my tongue to keep myself under control. It didn't occur to me that we were going in the wrong direction until he pointed it out.
"Damn, I'm not thinking," he said, and turned around.
"It's okay, I'm sure there's a bus I can take from here," I said. "I don't want you to be late."
"I'm not worried," he assured me as we headed back up the hill. Then, "I'm going to stop down here on this side street - your walk is short, and that way I can avoid all the lights." I had to wonder if there was another reason. "And I don't have to worry about who's driving by while I accost you," he added with a wink in his voice.
"I knew it!" I said, laughing. "I knew that wasn't an entirely innocent plan."
"But I'm cute, sweet, and innocent," he protested, looking anything but.
"I'll give you the first one," I said. "I'll even give you the second one. But the third one, no, you can't have it. Keep trying."
He parked behind another car and we made out for a few minutes before he had to go. Every time I kiss him, I enjoy it more...it's so dangerous, and so irresistible, the latter partly because of the former.
"I haven't felt like this since high school," he said with what I could have sworn was a giggle. "You definitely would have been in my clique in high school."
"There wasn't one of them at my school," I said. "I had no friends in high school."
"Really?" He pulled on the collar of my jacket until we were nose-to-nose.
"Pretty much," I said.
"Wow. Idiots." He kissed me again and finally let me go.
"Have a good day," I said, getting out of the car.
"You too." He rolled down his window as I was walking away. "Blue!"
"Yeah?"
"I think the proper response to that was, 'I already have.' Because no matter what else happens today, I'm going to be smiling."
"Wearing the same silly, psychotic smile I am, you mean?" I asked, demonstrating because I couldn't help it. I walked back to the bus, grinning to myself all the way.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The Un-date
To start with a quick side note that amuses me highly, I am writing this in class since it's safer than writing it from my house. It's a computer-education-purposed classroom, with rows of monitors on large tables, and I sit on the end with a wall on my left and another student on my right. When the guy sitting in the chair next to me today saw what blogs I was reading and commenting on, he logged out of his computer and moved to the other end of the table. I love those people - they make me laugh, and they remind me just how forbidden some of these lovely topics are.
Anyway. Now that we've had a laugh, the rest of this post is going to be a combination of happy and sad, but I'll stop giving previews now and just do the show.
Aiden works another job aside from the diner, as an office assistant in the next town, and we met up yesterday on his lunch break. I got off the bus at the bottom of Main Street and walked up the hill towards the four-way stop light at the top. As I reached the crosswalk, I saw Aiden coming toward me on the other side of the street. He paused long enough to glance around, then sprinted across the street against the light. He gave me a kiss, and then we started walking back down the street together.
"You are the victim of my boredom," he said, handing me a paper cup. I took it cautiously and peered inside. It was filled with unbelievably tiny paper cranes, made out of gum wrappers and tea bag tags.
"Wow!" I said, impressed, and tried to hand the cup back to him. He shook his head.
"Yours now. Throw them at people in class or something, it'll make them wonder." I laughed, already plotting what could be done with such strange little items.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"Don't care, where do you want to go?" I replied.
"Oh dear." I go through this routine anytime I meet up with anybody, and it always makes me laugh. "The Vietnamese place?" he asked, gesturing across the street.
"Sure." We jaywalked through a line of cars stopped at the light and squeezed down the tiny alley leading to the back parking lot and the restaurant. Fortunately for both of us, there's only one place in that town where I'd worry about being seen with him; I've never been in any of the others.
We got a table in the corner of the small restaurant and ordered our food, and talked about this and that. When the food arrived, Aiden got a weird smile on his face. I asked him what it was for.
"Does this count as, like, a date?" he asked.
"If you want it to," I answered.
"That's probably not a good idea," he said, but his smile said he was thinking otherwise.
"Okay, then it's not," I said. "Happy now?" When a few moments had passed and he was still wearing the strange expression, I said, "It's still bothering you, isn't it?"
"A lot of things are bothering me," he answered, the smile turning rueful. "This is so complicated."
I sighed and nodded. "That it is."
"Have you ever had a real, in-person affair before?" I asked.
He shook his head and held his hand in the air so I could see his wedding band. "Not since I married my wife."
But he took my hand over the table and held it while we ate. One of my fingers was squeezed painfully into the edge of the table, but I didn't move, and it eventually went numb. We talked about Lily, his wife, who he said he would have been rid of long ago if he didn't have his son to worry about.
I pointed out that kids aren't stupid and know when their parents are unhappy; my parents hated each other for as long as I can remember, and I begged my mother more than once to just "get the damn divorce and get it over with." But that's not what worries him the most.
"I'm afraid she'll use him as a playing piece," he admitted. "She'll use him to get what she wants, and she'll probably move far away and I'll never get to see him." Another situation I had nothing to say about, since it's out of my realm of personal experience.
We talked about Kevin, too. Aiden knows my worries about Kevin's violent streak and what would happen if he ever found out about us.
"I don't like that he wants to kill me," he said, and I snorted sarcastically.
"No one would, and neither do I."
"Has he actually said that? Does he have it out for me for some reason?"
"He threatened you before anything was going on between us," I said, and got a very puzzled look. "I was telling him what you said about Lily," I explained, "And he said, 'That boy needs a girlfriend.' I protested that you were married, and he said, 'He needs a girlfriend. He just better not be looking at you - I don't want to have to kill him.'"
Aiden tried to laugh, but neither of us found it particularly funny.
"I'm serious," I said, "When I say that if he ever found out, I'd be concerned for your life."
That effectively killed the conversation, so to speak. A spectacular awkward moment arose as we looked at each other, then tried to find something else to look at in favor of sitting and staring. I bounced my leg so hard my entire body rocked. Most people make fun of me for that habit, but he said nothing. I know now why I don't usually go on "dates" when things first get going with someone; it's too damn awkward. So that's why a movie is a good first date, and not lunch.
Sorry, I forgot - it wasn't a date. Even though we started making out over the table after our dishes were cleared, then sat and held hands while the conversation continued. He said that he wasn't a violent sort at all, that he's a huge teddy bear and incapable of hurting anybody. I didn't say as much, but it was a relief to hear that from the person whose hand was in mine. The death threats against random people really are getting tiresome. Adrenaline junkie I may be, but out to kill the world I am not, and Kevin isn't capable of understanding that.
The bill came and we threw some cash on the table and got up to leave. "Yup, we're servers," Aiden said with a laugh, realizing the math came out to a 25% tip. I set a mini paper crane on the table, and we threw on our jackets and walked back outside. While it wasn't warm by most people's standards, the air actually had a smell to it for once, telling me the temperature was at least close to freezing instead of many degrees below it.
"How tall are you?" Aiden asked me, and I suddenly felt like I towered over him. "Five-nine, maybe?"
"Yep. How tall are you?"
"Five-six."
I just laughed. "Not like I care."
"Hey, I make up for my lack of height in other aspects."
I giggled, knowing it was the truth, and he leaned in and kissed me. He's a good kisser, and his lips are soft. I let my worries go and just enjoyed the moment, opening my eyes for a second to sneak a peak at him. A thrill of excitement ran through me, and I closed my eyes again.
The air in the alley as we walked up was cold, and emerging back on the street into the bright sun was a pleasant shock. He lit a cigarrette and we started walking around aimlessly, talking about our relationships again.
"So, yes," he said, returning the topic of having affairs. "You're the first girl I've kissed besides my wife in eight years."
Some part of me wanted to feel honored, and another part wasn't sure if that was right. Hell, it's a feeling - who cares if it's "right." I felt honored. We wandered up to the light, down the cross street, up through the lower parking lot, back to where we started, across the street, through an alley into the upper parking lot, down a back street, and then finally back to the main road and up the hill to his office.
"All right," he said reluctantly, "I have to go back, as much as I'd rather stay." He stomped out his third cigarrette - or was it the fourth? I'd lost count. He paused for a moment on the step to the front door, made some ambiguous comment about Lily, then kissed me and went back inside.
I walked back through the light and down the hill to the bus stop wearing what was probably an alarming and psychotic-looking smile. Leaning against the bus shelter, I pulled out my phone and texted Wren.
"omg I just had a legit date! btw did u get any sleep last night?" She's also in the process of aquiring a new boyfriend, but for once she's the one doing it the honest way, as she's single and so is he.
"No! but he broke all ties w bitchface. R u home? get online!!"
I told her I'd be home in half an hour and would do so. As I was coming up the last road before my house, my phone buzzed again.
"Bitch where r u??!!"
Then, a minute later, "omg I just totally sent that to mike by mistake."
I was in hysterics by the time I got in the house. Leave it to Wren.
Anyway. Now that we've had a laugh, the rest of this post is going to be a combination of happy and sad, but I'll stop giving previews now and just do the show.
Aiden works another job aside from the diner, as an office assistant in the next town, and we met up yesterday on his lunch break. I got off the bus at the bottom of Main Street and walked up the hill towards the four-way stop light at the top. As I reached the crosswalk, I saw Aiden coming toward me on the other side of the street. He paused long enough to glance around, then sprinted across the street against the light. He gave me a kiss, and then we started walking back down the street together.
"You are the victim of my boredom," he said, handing me a paper cup. I took it cautiously and peered inside. It was filled with unbelievably tiny paper cranes, made out of gum wrappers and tea bag tags.
"Wow!" I said, impressed, and tried to hand the cup back to him. He shook his head.
"Yours now. Throw them at people in class or something, it'll make them wonder." I laughed, already plotting what could be done with such strange little items.
"Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"Don't care, where do you want to go?" I replied.
"Oh dear." I go through this routine anytime I meet up with anybody, and it always makes me laugh. "The Vietnamese place?" he asked, gesturing across the street.
"Sure." We jaywalked through a line of cars stopped at the light and squeezed down the tiny alley leading to the back parking lot and the restaurant. Fortunately for both of us, there's only one place in that town where I'd worry about being seen with him; I've never been in any of the others.
We got a table in the corner of the small restaurant and ordered our food, and talked about this and that. When the food arrived, Aiden got a weird smile on his face. I asked him what it was for.
"Does this count as, like, a date?" he asked.
"If you want it to," I answered.
"That's probably not a good idea," he said, but his smile said he was thinking otherwise.
"Okay, then it's not," I said. "Happy now?" When a few moments had passed and he was still wearing the strange expression, I said, "It's still bothering you, isn't it?"
"A lot of things are bothering me," he answered, the smile turning rueful. "This is so complicated."
I sighed and nodded. "That it is."
"Have you ever had a real, in-person affair before?" I asked.
He shook his head and held his hand in the air so I could see his wedding band. "Not since I married my wife."
But he took my hand over the table and held it while we ate. One of my fingers was squeezed painfully into the edge of the table, but I didn't move, and it eventually went numb. We talked about Lily, his wife, who he said he would have been rid of long ago if he didn't have his son to worry about.
I pointed out that kids aren't stupid and know when their parents are unhappy; my parents hated each other for as long as I can remember, and I begged my mother more than once to just "get the damn divorce and get it over with." But that's not what worries him the most.
"I'm afraid she'll use him as a playing piece," he admitted. "She'll use him to get what she wants, and she'll probably move far away and I'll never get to see him." Another situation I had nothing to say about, since it's out of my realm of personal experience.
We talked about Kevin, too. Aiden knows my worries about Kevin's violent streak and what would happen if he ever found out about us.
"I don't like that he wants to kill me," he said, and I snorted sarcastically.
"No one would, and neither do I."
"Has he actually said that? Does he have it out for me for some reason?"
"He threatened you before anything was going on between us," I said, and got a very puzzled look. "I was telling him what you said about Lily," I explained, "And he said, 'That boy needs a girlfriend.' I protested that you were married, and he said, 'He needs a girlfriend. He just better not be looking at you - I don't want to have to kill him.'"
Aiden tried to laugh, but neither of us found it particularly funny.
"I'm serious," I said, "When I say that if he ever found out, I'd be concerned for your life."
That effectively killed the conversation, so to speak. A spectacular awkward moment arose as we looked at each other, then tried to find something else to look at in favor of sitting and staring. I bounced my leg so hard my entire body rocked. Most people make fun of me for that habit, but he said nothing. I know now why I don't usually go on "dates" when things first get going with someone; it's too damn awkward. So that's why a movie is a good first date, and not lunch.
Sorry, I forgot - it wasn't a date. Even though we started making out over the table after our dishes were cleared, then sat and held hands while the conversation continued. He said that he wasn't a violent sort at all, that he's a huge teddy bear and incapable of hurting anybody. I didn't say as much, but it was a relief to hear that from the person whose hand was in mine. The death threats against random people really are getting tiresome. Adrenaline junkie I may be, but out to kill the world I am not, and Kevin isn't capable of understanding that.
The bill came and we threw some cash on the table and got up to leave. "Yup, we're servers," Aiden said with a laugh, realizing the math came out to a 25% tip. I set a mini paper crane on the table, and we threw on our jackets and walked back outside. While it wasn't warm by most people's standards, the air actually had a smell to it for once, telling me the temperature was at least close to freezing instead of many degrees below it.
"How tall are you?" Aiden asked me, and I suddenly felt like I towered over him. "Five-nine, maybe?"
"Yep. How tall are you?"
"Five-six."
I just laughed. "Not like I care."
"Hey, I make up for my lack of height in other aspects."
I giggled, knowing it was the truth, and he leaned in and kissed me. He's a good kisser, and his lips are soft. I let my worries go and just enjoyed the moment, opening my eyes for a second to sneak a peak at him. A thrill of excitement ran through me, and I closed my eyes again.
The air in the alley as we walked up was cold, and emerging back on the street into the bright sun was a pleasant shock. He lit a cigarrette and we started walking around aimlessly, talking about our relationships again.
"So, yes," he said, returning the topic of having affairs. "You're the first girl I've kissed besides my wife in eight years."
Some part of me wanted to feel honored, and another part wasn't sure if that was right. Hell, it's a feeling - who cares if it's "right." I felt honored. We wandered up to the light, down the cross street, up through the lower parking lot, back to where we started, across the street, through an alley into the upper parking lot, down a back street, and then finally back to the main road and up the hill to his office.
"All right," he said reluctantly, "I have to go back, as much as I'd rather stay." He stomped out his third cigarrette - or was it the fourth? I'd lost count. He paused for a moment on the step to the front door, made some ambiguous comment about Lily, then kissed me and went back inside.
I walked back through the light and down the hill to the bus stop wearing what was probably an alarming and psychotic-looking smile. Leaning against the bus shelter, I pulled out my phone and texted Wren.
"omg I just had a legit date! btw did u get any sleep last night?" She's also in the process of aquiring a new boyfriend, but for once she's the one doing it the honest way, as she's single and so is he.
"No! but he broke all ties w bitchface. R u home? get online!!"
I told her I'd be home in half an hour and would do so. As I was coming up the last road before my house, my phone buzzed again.
"Bitch where r u??!!"
Then, a minute later, "omg I just totally sent that to mike by mistake."
I was in hysterics by the time I got in the house. Leave it to Wren.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Rose
In the interests of straightening out some of the chronological skipping around I've been doing with this whole Aiden adventure, I'm going to take a moment now to go back a few days and catch up before moving on. I can't honestly remember whether it was Saturday or Sunday that this occurred, because he and I worked the same combination of shifts on both days, but it's irrelevant anyway. Let's say it was Sunday. Actually, now that I've put the thought into it, it was definitely Sunday.
I worked the day shift, beginning at eleven o'clock in the morning and finishing whenever my customers left as the night shift was coming in. Kevin dropped me off and told me to call him when I was done so he could pick me up again. That's unusual - I'm independent to a fault and much prefer to drive myself, but I had agreed to let him borrow my car for something. Would that it had been any other day that I did so.
Day shift was peaceful, but I started getting jumpy around mid-afternoon, knowing that Aiden would be coming in soon to work the dinner shift. He showed up just a couple of minutes late and gave me a quick wave as he ran to clock in. It was a few minutes before I actually got to say hello, as it was reasonably busy.
"Blue," he said, eventually catching me up. I don't know why he started calling me by my last name, but I kind of like it.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I got you a present," he said with a mischievious grin. "I left it on my windshield cause I couldn't find your car. Go look when you get out."
"Uh oh," I said, grinning back. "You're not causing trouble again, are you?"
"I couldn't resist."
It was a while before I got done with all my work, but as I was going out the door, he caught me again. "Blue, come back and tell me what you think," he said.
"Can I hide it in here?" I asked, waving my little apron full of change and straws.
"Play dumb," he said with a smile.
I raised an eyebrow and headed outdoors into what had become a snowy, slushy mess of a parking lot. Pulling out my phone, I considered calling Kevin, then decided it would be better to wait and see what I was dealing with from Aiden first. I stuffed it back in my pocket and slogged the length of the parking lot, drenching the ankles of my pants in semi-frozen dirty water. Upon finding his car, I stopped. There was a single red rose under one of the windshield wipers, wrapped in plastic and partially frozen to the glass. I put my hand over my mouth, hesitated, then pulled it out.
Unsure what to do, I walked in circles for a couple of minutes, then stopped under a tree, thinking. There was no possible way I could play dumb; Kevin knows I'm not stupid, and there's only one person at work he would pinpoint for giving me such a thing. I would just have to hide it, but where?
Finally I walked into the department store next door to the diner and wandered up and down the aisles, looking for something I might need to buy. My mind wasn't cooperating very well, but finally I decided that a couple of boxes of frozen waffles would do the trick, and I grabbed them and headed for the checkout. Once again I pulled out my phone, then decided to wait and make sure the rose fit in the bag. The phone went back in my pocket.
I thanked the cashier and stopped before I reached the door, adjusting the boxes of waffles in the plastic bag to make as large a space as possible. The rose, however, was far too long; I turned it upside-down and stuffed it in head-first, figuring I could just hide the top of the bag with my arm, and headed outside. I stood by a trash can in the sleet and snow and finally made my call.
"I'm already halfway there," Kevin told me. "I figured you'd be out soon, so I went ahead and left. See you in two minutes." I gulped. That had been a much closer call than I'd thought.
Leaning against the wall of the building, I decided that trying to hide the rose wasn't worth the risk of him possibly seeing it, so I finally gave up and stuffed it in a trash can on the sidewalk. I felt bad doing it, but couldn't think of another possible option.
"Who's the rose for?" asked a voice next to me. It was Kaely, another one of the waitresses, also just getting off shift.
"From," I corrected her.
"Oh, from who?"
I looked around. "Don't pass this on, but...Aiden."
"Ohhh," she said with a knowing smile. "Yeah, everyone's been wondering what's going on."
I had figured that, as we hadn't been trying to hide it. "Well," I hedged, "He's married and I live with my boyfriend..."
"I know he's married," she said. "So how do you feel about that, that he gave you a rose? You don't think it's a little inappropriate?"
I shrugged, unsure what to say. I was thrilled, actually, but didn't feel like sharing that. "If he's going to cause trouble, it's gonna happen." Halfway through that sentence I realized it wasn't going anywhere, and she looked as confused as I felt.
"So what are you going to tell your boyfriend about the rose?"
"Oh, I threw it away," I said, feeling guilty.
"Really? I would've told him, 'Here, I got you this! Present!'" That hadn't occurred to me in my slightly panicked state.
"Hm," I said. "You think faster than I do."
It occurred to me later, though, that I had probably done the right thing after all. I don't think they actually sell roses at that deparment store, and Kevin would've known that and asked about it. He really is obnoxious about details sometimes.
I already mentioned that the next day we went out to lunch after I finished my shift. As we were standing in the parking lot, Aiden smoking a cigarrette, he said, "So, because I got you a rose, I had to get my wife one too. But you were the driving impetous."
I smiled, lacking words for that one.
"How does it feel to be the reason a married man buys his wife a rose?"
"Nowhere I haven't been before," I said. "Though slightly less honest."
I did tell him that it was sweet of him and I was charmed. I didn't tell him I threw it away, though. I told him the plan about the shopping bag and let him assume it had worked. When he threatened the next day to leave waffles on my car as an inside joke, I cackled out loud in front of all my customers.
I worked the day shift, beginning at eleven o'clock in the morning and finishing whenever my customers left as the night shift was coming in. Kevin dropped me off and told me to call him when I was done so he could pick me up again. That's unusual - I'm independent to a fault and much prefer to drive myself, but I had agreed to let him borrow my car for something. Would that it had been any other day that I did so.
Day shift was peaceful, but I started getting jumpy around mid-afternoon, knowing that Aiden would be coming in soon to work the dinner shift. He showed up just a couple of minutes late and gave me a quick wave as he ran to clock in. It was a few minutes before I actually got to say hello, as it was reasonably busy.
"Blue," he said, eventually catching me up. I don't know why he started calling me by my last name, but I kind of like it.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I got you a present," he said with a mischievious grin. "I left it on my windshield cause I couldn't find your car. Go look when you get out."
"Uh oh," I said, grinning back. "You're not causing trouble again, are you?"
"I couldn't resist."
It was a while before I got done with all my work, but as I was going out the door, he caught me again. "Blue, come back and tell me what you think," he said.
"Can I hide it in here?" I asked, waving my little apron full of change and straws.
"Play dumb," he said with a smile.
I raised an eyebrow and headed outdoors into what had become a snowy, slushy mess of a parking lot. Pulling out my phone, I considered calling Kevin, then decided it would be better to wait and see what I was dealing with from Aiden first. I stuffed it back in my pocket and slogged the length of the parking lot, drenching the ankles of my pants in semi-frozen dirty water. Upon finding his car, I stopped. There was a single red rose under one of the windshield wipers, wrapped in plastic and partially frozen to the glass. I put my hand over my mouth, hesitated, then pulled it out.
Unsure what to do, I walked in circles for a couple of minutes, then stopped under a tree, thinking. There was no possible way I could play dumb; Kevin knows I'm not stupid, and there's only one person at work he would pinpoint for giving me such a thing. I would just have to hide it, but where?
Finally I walked into the department store next door to the diner and wandered up and down the aisles, looking for something I might need to buy. My mind wasn't cooperating very well, but finally I decided that a couple of boxes of frozen waffles would do the trick, and I grabbed them and headed for the checkout. Once again I pulled out my phone, then decided to wait and make sure the rose fit in the bag. The phone went back in my pocket.
I thanked the cashier and stopped before I reached the door, adjusting the boxes of waffles in the plastic bag to make as large a space as possible. The rose, however, was far too long; I turned it upside-down and stuffed it in head-first, figuring I could just hide the top of the bag with my arm, and headed outside. I stood by a trash can in the sleet and snow and finally made my call.
"I'm already halfway there," Kevin told me. "I figured you'd be out soon, so I went ahead and left. See you in two minutes." I gulped. That had been a much closer call than I'd thought.
Leaning against the wall of the building, I decided that trying to hide the rose wasn't worth the risk of him possibly seeing it, so I finally gave up and stuffed it in a trash can on the sidewalk. I felt bad doing it, but couldn't think of another possible option.
"Who's the rose for?" asked a voice next to me. It was Kaely, another one of the waitresses, also just getting off shift.
"From," I corrected her.
"Oh, from who?"
I looked around. "Don't pass this on, but...Aiden."
"Ohhh," she said with a knowing smile. "Yeah, everyone's been wondering what's going on."
I had figured that, as we hadn't been trying to hide it. "Well," I hedged, "He's married and I live with my boyfriend..."
"I know he's married," she said. "So how do you feel about that, that he gave you a rose? You don't think it's a little inappropriate?"
I shrugged, unsure what to say. I was thrilled, actually, but didn't feel like sharing that. "If he's going to cause trouble, it's gonna happen." Halfway through that sentence I realized it wasn't going anywhere, and she looked as confused as I felt.
"So what are you going to tell your boyfriend about the rose?"
"Oh, I threw it away," I said, feeling guilty.
"Really? I would've told him, 'Here, I got you this! Present!'" That hadn't occurred to me in my slightly panicked state.
"Hm," I said. "You think faster than I do."
It occurred to me later, though, that I had probably done the right thing after all. I don't think they actually sell roses at that deparment store, and Kevin would've known that and asked about it. He really is obnoxious about details sometimes.
I already mentioned that the next day we went out to lunch after I finished my shift. As we were standing in the parking lot, Aiden smoking a cigarrette, he said, "So, because I got you a rose, I had to get my wife one too. But you were the driving impetous."
I smiled, lacking words for that one.
"How does it feel to be the reason a married man buys his wife a rose?"
"Nowhere I haven't been before," I said. "Though slightly less honest."
I did tell him that it was sweet of him and I was charmed. I didn't tell him I threw it away, though. I told him the plan about the shopping bag and let him assume it had worked. When he threatened the next day to leave waffles on my car as an inside joke, I cackled out loud in front of all my customers.
Downhill Slide Starting
Here is where it happens, that which I never expected: it goes downhill. Kevin has been driving me crazy the last week or two, even though he's not really acting any different than he always has. I know it's me; I'm taking a different view of it, but I can't help the annoyance.
As an example...he and I are both pro-gun persons. I could talk anyone's ear off about that if they wished, but I'll spare you for the moment in favor of not distracting myself. When we met, it was one of our mutual enthusiasms, and is something we still share, but I've finally grown tired of putting up with something I've been ignoring to the point of convincing myself it was unimportant. The first few times he joked about killing people who annoyed him, I laughed - after all, haven't we all had the urge to just deck the hell out of somebody stupid?
After a while I realized he wasn't joking, but it still didn't bother me too much. I figured that if it came right down to actually shooting someone, he would do what most people would do and chicken out. But the more he talks, the more I'm forced to admit that he would not only go through with killing someone and successfully hiding the body, but he would relish it and be proud of his accomplisment. He would brag to me expecting me to be proud of and happy for him. And I would report him to the police. Knowing him as I do, I realize it's highly likely that he would get away from said police, and I would have to go on the run. I don't need my life going that way.
What finally forced me to make this realization out loud was Aiden. We went to lunch yesterday while he was on break from work, and afterwards just sat in my car in the parking lot and talked.
"Kevin has made it very clear," I told Aiden, "That anyone who lays a hand on me will be shot."
"Shot?" His eyebrows slid to one side in a look of combination disapproval and doubt.
"Yes. And I believe him."
"That's...a sign of something unhealthy," he said, trying to express his concern without looking like he was trying to manipulate me. I know that little dance. I've done it more than once. "I mean, that's an okay outlook if it's a big-brother type of relationship, but in a romantic partnership, that's really overprotective. It says he doesn't trust you or your friends."
I couldn't think of anything to say because it hit me at that moment that he was right. Kevin's outlook on other people has bothered me to a certain extent for quite a while. It's not about me - he's a huge teddy bear to me, a complete sweetheart. He would do quite literally anything for me. But when it comes to most other people, he has absolutely no respect, tolerance, or understanding. He's inconsistent about a lot of things, all of which I will get into eventually but not right now. Some days I swear he has a touch of schizo in him.
I've quite suddenly had to face all of this - that he's inconsistent, intolerant, insecure, potentially violent (though not with me), and doesn't trust anyone. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't expect anyone to be happy if they found out I was being unfaithful...but I should not so easily be able to picture the world being turned upside-down while I tried to defend Aiden against a psychotic gun-slinging Kevin. That's out of balance, but I have no doubt it would happen. At that point, it would no longer be choosing boyfriend A or boyfriend B. It would come down, very simply, to defending a close friend against a psychopath, when it's my fault that the psychopath is after them in the first place. Referencing what I said two posts ago about being a bodyguard, it's an obvious choice.
I was talking with my best girl tonight, Wren, and when I told her I was starting to get pissed off at Kevin, she told me that's what has always happened to her when she's cheated; the stable relationship immediately starts to degrade. As much as I didn't want to hear that, I can't deny that it's happening. I want to. But I've fooled myself into believing enough shit before this, and it's only made things more difficult. Since I managed to admit what was going on with Aiden as soon as I suspected it, though, I'd like to think I'm learning, at least not to fool myself. I'm not sure how much that will help me, though. Kevin doesn't understand why I'm being so distant all of a sudden, but I've been through what would happen if I told him, so obviously that's not an option.
As long as I'm admitting things, a small - very small - part of me is hoping he'll find out somehow. But not really. I really don't need the action-movie sequence of guns, chasing, and cars that could easily result in one or more of our deaths. Adrenaline junkie I may be, but interested in getting my friends killed I am not.
So it has come down to this: I'm trapped and it never occurred to me to notice until now. I'm stuck between a suddenly-sinking great relationship and a married man with a kid, and if I'm suddenly possessed to be honest about these certain goings-on, people could actually get killed. Why did I fool myself into thinking that somewhere underneath the psychotic facade, Kevin was perfectly sane? Everyone who knows him will tell you immediately that's he fucking nuts, but it never occurred to me that it could get me, or my friends, in trouble. Every complicated situation has always got to add another level of complicated just when I think it might be manageable.
As an example...he and I are both pro-gun persons. I could talk anyone's ear off about that if they wished, but I'll spare you for the moment in favor of not distracting myself. When we met, it was one of our mutual enthusiasms, and is something we still share, but I've finally grown tired of putting up with something I've been ignoring to the point of convincing myself it was unimportant. The first few times he joked about killing people who annoyed him, I laughed - after all, haven't we all had the urge to just deck the hell out of somebody stupid?
After a while I realized he wasn't joking, but it still didn't bother me too much. I figured that if it came right down to actually shooting someone, he would do what most people would do and chicken out. But the more he talks, the more I'm forced to admit that he would not only go through with killing someone and successfully hiding the body, but he would relish it and be proud of his accomplisment. He would brag to me expecting me to be proud of and happy for him. And I would report him to the police. Knowing him as I do, I realize it's highly likely that he would get away from said police, and I would have to go on the run. I don't need my life going that way.
What finally forced me to make this realization out loud was Aiden. We went to lunch yesterday while he was on break from work, and afterwards just sat in my car in the parking lot and talked.
"Kevin has made it very clear," I told Aiden, "That anyone who lays a hand on me will be shot."
"Shot?" His eyebrows slid to one side in a look of combination disapproval and doubt.
"Yes. And I believe him."
"That's...a sign of something unhealthy," he said, trying to express his concern without looking like he was trying to manipulate me. I know that little dance. I've done it more than once. "I mean, that's an okay outlook if it's a big-brother type of relationship, but in a romantic partnership, that's really overprotective. It says he doesn't trust you or your friends."
I couldn't think of anything to say because it hit me at that moment that he was right. Kevin's outlook on other people has bothered me to a certain extent for quite a while. It's not about me - he's a huge teddy bear to me, a complete sweetheart. He would do quite literally anything for me. But when it comes to most other people, he has absolutely no respect, tolerance, or understanding. He's inconsistent about a lot of things, all of which I will get into eventually but not right now. Some days I swear he has a touch of schizo in him.
I've quite suddenly had to face all of this - that he's inconsistent, intolerant, insecure, potentially violent (though not with me), and doesn't trust anyone. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't expect anyone to be happy if they found out I was being unfaithful...but I should not so easily be able to picture the world being turned upside-down while I tried to defend Aiden against a psychotic gun-slinging Kevin. That's out of balance, but I have no doubt it would happen. At that point, it would no longer be choosing boyfriend A or boyfriend B. It would come down, very simply, to defending a close friend against a psychopath, when it's my fault that the psychopath is after them in the first place. Referencing what I said two posts ago about being a bodyguard, it's an obvious choice.
I was talking with my best girl tonight, Wren, and when I told her I was starting to get pissed off at Kevin, she told me that's what has always happened to her when she's cheated; the stable relationship immediately starts to degrade. As much as I didn't want to hear that, I can't deny that it's happening. I want to. But I've fooled myself into believing enough shit before this, and it's only made things more difficult. Since I managed to admit what was going on with Aiden as soon as I suspected it, though, I'd like to think I'm learning, at least not to fool myself. I'm not sure how much that will help me, though. Kevin doesn't understand why I'm being so distant all of a sudden, but I've been through what would happen if I told him, so obviously that's not an option.
As long as I'm admitting things, a small - very small - part of me is hoping he'll find out somehow. But not really. I really don't need the action-movie sequence of guns, chasing, and cars that could easily result in one or more of our deaths. Adrenaline junkie I may be, but interested in getting my friends killed I am not.
So it has come down to this: I'm trapped and it never occurred to me to notice until now. I'm stuck between a suddenly-sinking great relationship and a married man with a kid, and if I'm suddenly possessed to be honest about these certain goings-on, people could actually get killed. Why did I fool myself into thinking that somewhere underneath the psychotic facade, Kevin was perfectly sane? Everyone who knows him will tell you immediately that's he fucking nuts, but it never occurred to me that it could get me, or my friends, in trouble. Every complicated situation has always got to add another level of complicated just when I think it might be manageable.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
TMI Tuesday
1. What do find is the most exciting part of a new sexual encounter?
Any first touch. The first time you hold hands, the first time you kiss, the first nibble...they are all dizzying.
2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?
It would have to be something that doesn't happen often. I would love him to be more rough with me.
3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?
Not enough to get me in trouble, but I'm not shy about saying things.
4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?
A particular someone? A little too much, but see my last post. Others I work with? Ehh, somewhat...some of the girls at the diner have noticed what's going on, and I'm not going to lie to them.
5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent of your child's friend or...)?
If I see someone enough, I get close to them pretty fast, and like I said - I'm not secretive with strangers.
This is from TMI Tuesday #175.
Any first touch. The first time you hold hands, the first time you kiss, the first nibble...they are all dizzying.
2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?
It would have to be something that doesn't happen often. I would love him to be more rough with me.
3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?
Not enough to get me in trouble, but I'm not shy about saying things.
4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?
A particular someone? A little too much, but see my last post. Others I work with? Ehh, somewhat...some of the girls at the diner have noticed what's going on, and I'm not going to lie to them.
5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent of your child's friend or...)?
If I see someone enough, I get close to them pretty fast, and like I said - I'm not secretive with strangers.
This is from TMI Tuesday #175.
As a Bad Girl
I've never considered myself a "good girl," and neither would anyone else who's known me in any sort of depth. My father might have when he was alive, but honestly, for growing up in his house, he knew very little about the real me. It was partly that I wasn't terribly open - after all, coming out to your father at the age of 16 can be a bit daunting - and partly that he spent almost all of his time in an oblivious, alcohol-induced stupor. I was the apple of his eye, as they say, and that was fine with me. I had no need to tell him anything that might ruin his image of me.
But back to the point. Thought I'd never call myself a good girl, I would in many respects call myself a good person. It's funny that, while a girl is certainly a person, those two words imply such different things in the context. A good girl is someone who behaves politely; a good person is someone whose morals are on relatively straight.
I would call myself a good person because I never intentionally hurt others, and in fact, I rather like to help them. My friends have always come to me for a listening ear and advice on their problems, and I've always been more than happy to give those things. I may put up with a certain amount of shit from someone on my own behalf, but I will defend my friends against anything, to the death if need be. Once you can call me a friend, you can also call me a bodyguard.
While I was with the ex I mentioned in the previous post, another man waltzed smoothly into my life and proceeded to completely take over my mind. I was smitten beyond all sense, and when I finally woke up, I realized just how much of my sense had really been set aside in the intervening time. I don't wish to go into detail, but suffice it to say that I proved the adage that we see what we want to see in people. Despite all of that, though, I made a promise never to cheat on the ex, and I never did. There were moments when I had the opportunity, and certainly the urge was overwhelming, but I kept my hands to myself, though I can't say the same for my thoughts. Thinking, however, is not unfaithful, but simply a sign that one is in fact still alive.
Eventually the ex and I went our separate ways, after the relationship had crashed and burned and I had wasted inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to save what was already long dead. I had a quick fling with the waltzer, but by then he had been distracted by another girl, and in the long run that was a good thing for me. Kevin was the one who finally distracted me from him and woke me to the realization of just how bad he was for me. And for that, once again, I must thank him.
I have always been proud of the fact that I never touched the waltzer until I was relationally free to do so, and have loudly and proudly promised that I am faithful and not a cheater, that I am someone who can be trusted to the ends of the earth and back. The other thing I point out about myself to anyone who will listen is that I make few promises, because when I do make one, I bind myself to it. That's not to say I'm perfect; I've broken a couple of promises, but for the most part, I have strived with everything in me to keep them, and for the most part, it's worked.
Now excuse me for a moment while I break the topic; I promise (you can hold me to this one) to return to it momentarily. When I said that I work an hourly job, I didn't specify the type, but now is the moment to do so. I'm a diner waitress, one of the most common and most physically demanding jobs a twenty-something woman often finds herself in. It's not bad, honestly. Your feet go numb after a while, and not every customer in the world is a stiffer. Many of them are, but that's beside the point.
Returning to my topic, the point is this: one of my co-workers is another waltzer. He sauntered into my life at the diner, at a time when I'll admit that I was somewhat desperate for friends, and I was thrilled to make a new one. We hit it off immediately, practically best friends after only a few hours together. It did occur to me later that night that no one I've ever hit it off with that fast has not caused some kind of trouble for me. Like a firework and a match, it may seem calm at first, but then there's an explosion.
The fuse was lit, but I wasn't worried. Aiden was married, I had to assume happily, and I figured I'd have no problem and was just letting my past make me paranoid. It was one of our earliest shifts together, however, that he started complaining to me about his wife, and every time after that he had something worse to say about her. What was it I mentioned earlier about being everyone's shoulder? Maybe sometimes it is a bit of a burden, though the reasons vary in some cases.
Given the work schedule that week, we spent every day together for seven days in a row, and then two more after that. It didn't take very many of those days for me to notice that the firework at the end of the fuse was much larger than I had first thought, and the fuse was burning at an alarming rate. I couldn't put it out, and I couldn't back away...perhaps there is something else I could or should have done, but I was too stunned by the impending explosion to think of what it might be, no less execute it. I understand now what a deer goes through as it stops in the middle of the road and stares down an oncoming car with those huge eyes.
Anyway, it was last Thursday night that the bomb finally exploded. Aiden and I worked a closing shift together and were the last two people to leave, getting out at almost two o'clock in the morning. We headed out to the parking lot together, both tired and wanting to go home, but I put on a jacket and waited, shivering, while he had a cigarrette. I was desperate to be warm, but sometimes you'll run into that person or situation that you can't walk away from, no matter where else you may need to be for whatever reason, and that moment was then. The tension had been building all day, and I've finally learned to trust my instincts about when it's going to break.
Aiden dropped his cigarrette on the ground, stomped it out, then fished in his pocket and brought out a tin of mints. He popped one, then held it out to me, but I shook my head, and it was returned to his pocket.
"All right," he said finally, and held out his arms for our nightly hug. I rested my head on his shoulder, shivering and yawning but not wanting to be anywhere else. I really wasn't surprised when he started nibbling my ear, and I smiled and started licking his in return. He pulled away, brushing his cheek against mine and tilting his head slightly, and I returned his kiss without surprise or hesitation, because I really had known this was coming.
"I really shouldn't be doing this," he murmered in my ear, sounding guilty but not regretful. It was the sort of guilt that doesn't make you feel as bad as it should. I've been very familiar with it lately.
"Just like I shouldn't either," I answered, and kissed him again.
"I think I'm going to talk to you on my way home," he said as he got in his car. I had to laugh, because we had already done that every night.
"Okay."
I was so distracted I drove right into a huge pothole in the road that I knew very well was there and had been avoiding successfully for quite a while. I laughed at myself while hoping my rims were okay, then picked up my phone as it rang. We were ten minutes toward home when he told me, "Pull over in the parking lot of that store on the corner."
What can I say, I'm a submissive...I did so. I stood beside my car as he pulled into the space next to me, then got out and walked around the back with a determined expression. He pushed me up against my door so hard we nearly snapped the mirror off, and kissed me, not sweetly like before, but hard and passionately. There was no more admission of guilt, but a threat this time: "If you're not careful, you're going to end up bent over your hood."
"It's so cold," I protested, laughing, then experienced even more cold as he put his hands up my shirt. I squealed and laughed, leaning back against the car. It honestly was the cold that stopped me, despite what it may have sounded like. Had it been midsummer, I would happily have ended up flat on my hood and enjoyed every minute of it, but I hate being cold - it really can ruin anything for me.
"Look what you've done," he said, putting my hand between his legs. I smiled at what I could tell was an unusually large handful even through his work pants. "Bad girl." He bent me over and gave me a thorough spanking, and not only on the ass. I'd never been spanked anywhere but the ass, and I liked it more than I could find the words to admit at the moment. Finally we got in our cars and went home, for real this time, both very frustrated.
But back to the point. Thought I'd never call myself a good girl, I would in many respects call myself a good person. It's funny that, while a girl is certainly a person, those two words imply such different things in the context. A good girl is someone who behaves politely; a good person is someone whose morals are on relatively straight.
I would call myself a good person because I never intentionally hurt others, and in fact, I rather like to help them. My friends have always come to me for a listening ear and advice on their problems, and I've always been more than happy to give those things. I may put up with a certain amount of shit from someone on my own behalf, but I will defend my friends against anything, to the death if need be. Once you can call me a friend, you can also call me a bodyguard.
While I was with the ex I mentioned in the previous post, another man waltzed smoothly into my life and proceeded to completely take over my mind. I was smitten beyond all sense, and when I finally woke up, I realized just how much of my sense had really been set aside in the intervening time. I don't wish to go into detail, but suffice it to say that I proved the adage that we see what we want to see in people. Despite all of that, though, I made a promise never to cheat on the ex, and I never did. There were moments when I had the opportunity, and certainly the urge was overwhelming, but I kept my hands to myself, though I can't say the same for my thoughts. Thinking, however, is not unfaithful, but simply a sign that one is in fact still alive.
Eventually the ex and I went our separate ways, after the relationship had crashed and burned and I had wasted inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to save what was already long dead. I had a quick fling with the waltzer, but by then he had been distracted by another girl, and in the long run that was a good thing for me. Kevin was the one who finally distracted me from him and woke me to the realization of just how bad he was for me. And for that, once again, I must thank him.
I have always been proud of the fact that I never touched the waltzer until I was relationally free to do so, and have loudly and proudly promised that I am faithful and not a cheater, that I am someone who can be trusted to the ends of the earth and back. The other thing I point out about myself to anyone who will listen is that I make few promises, because when I do make one, I bind myself to it. That's not to say I'm perfect; I've broken a couple of promises, but for the most part, I have strived with everything in me to keep them, and for the most part, it's worked.
Now excuse me for a moment while I break the topic; I promise (you can hold me to this one) to return to it momentarily. When I said that I work an hourly job, I didn't specify the type, but now is the moment to do so. I'm a diner waitress, one of the most common and most physically demanding jobs a twenty-something woman often finds herself in. It's not bad, honestly. Your feet go numb after a while, and not every customer in the world is a stiffer. Many of them are, but that's beside the point.
Returning to my topic, the point is this: one of my co-workers is another waltzer. He sauntered into my life at the diner, at a time when I'll admit that I was somewhat desperate for friends, and I was thrilled to make a new one. We hit it off immediately, practically best friends after only a few hours together. It did occur to me later that night that no one I've ever hit it off with that fast has not caused some kind of trouble for me. Like a firework and a match, it may seem calm at first, but then there's an explosion.
The fuse was lit, but I wasn't worried. Aiden was married, I had to assume happily, and I figured I'd have no problem and was just letting my past make me paranoid. It was one of our earliest shifts together, however, that he started complaining to me about his wife, and every time after that he had something worse to say about her. What was it I mentioned earlier about being everyone's shoulder? Maybe sometimes it is a bit of a burden, though the reasons vary in some cases.
Given the work schedule that week, we spent every day together for seven days in a row, and then two more after that. It didn't take very many of those days for me to notice that the firework at the end of the fuse was much larger than I had first thought, and the fuse was burning at an alarming rate. I couldn't put it out, and I couldn't back away...perhaps there is something else I could or should have done, but I was too stunned by the impending explosion to think of what it might be, no less execute it. I understand now what a deer goes through as it stops in the middle of the road and stares down an oncoming car with those huge eyes.
Anyway, it was last Thursday night that the bomb finally exploded. Aiden and I worked a closing shift together and were the last two people to leave, getting out at almost two o'clock in the morning. We headed out to the parking lot together, both tired and wanting to go home, but I put on a jacket and waited, shivering, while he had a cigarrette. I was desperate to be warm, but sometimes you'll run into that person or situation that you can't walk away from, no matter where else you may need to be for whatever reason, and that moment was then. The tension had been building all day, and I've finally learned to trust my instincts about when it's going to break.
Aiden dropped his cigarrette on the ground, stomped it out, then fished in his pocket and brought out a tin of mints. He popped one, then held it out to me, but I shook my head, and it was returned to his pocket.
"All right," he said finally, and held out his arms for our nightly hug. I rested my head on his shoulder, shivering and yawning but not wanting to be anywhere else. I really wasn't surprised when he started nibbling my ear, and I smiled and started licking his in return. He pulled away, brushing his cheek against mine and tilting his head slightly, and I returned his kiss without surprise or hesitation, because I really had known this was coming.
"I really shouldn't be doing this," he murmered in my ear, sounding guilty but not regretful. It was the sort of guilt that doesn't make you feel as bad as it should. I've been very familiar with it lately.
"Just like I shouldn't either," I answered, and kissed him again.
"I think I'm going to talk to you on my way home," he said as he got in his car. I had to laugh, because we had already done that every night.
"Okay."
I was so distracted I drove right into a huge pothole in the road that I knew very well was there and had been avoiding successfully for quite a while. I laughed at myself while hoping my rims were okay, then picked up my phone as it rang. We were ten minutes toward home when he told me, "Pull over in the parking lot of that store on the corner."
What can I say, I'm a submissive...I did so. I stood beside my car as he pulled into the space next to me, then got out and walked around the back with a determined expression. He pushed me up against my door so hard we nearly snapped the mirror off, and kissed me, not sweetly like before, but hard and passionately. There was no more admission of guilt, but a threat this time: "If you're not careful, you're going to end up bent over your hood."
"It's so cold," I protested, laughing, then experienced even more cold as he put his hands up my shirt. I squealed and laughed, leaning back against the car. It honestly was the cold that stopped me, despite what it may have sounded like. Had it been midsummer, I would happily have ended up flat on my hood and enjoyed every minute of it, but I hate being cold - it really can ruin anything for me.
"Look what you've done," he said, putting my hand between his legs. I smiled at what I could tell was an unusually large handful even through his work pants. "Bad girl." He bent me over and gave me a thorough spanking, and not only on the ass. I'd never been spanked anywhere but the ass, and I liked it more than I could find the words to admit at the moment. Finally we got in our cars and went home, for real this time, both very frustrated.
A Snapshot of Skylar
Before one can begin to understand the problems and associated complications in someone else’s life, one must have a starting place, an idea of the current state of things for comparison with the changed state. So before I dive into ranting, raving, complaining, and otherwise fascinating and torturing the reader, I’ll take a moment to give you a little bit of background. Not enough, of course, to positively identify me, but just enough…
I’ve been with my boyfriend, Kevin, for just shy of two years now, and have lived with him for about half of that. I came into his life as his last ex was leaving, and let’s just say that no matter how annoying I may be some days, her memory makes me look like an angel. It doesn’t really matter what it was that she did or didn’t do, just that any reasonable person would be hard-pressed to do worse.
The good timing was mutual, though. Kevin came into my life as I was on the precipice of a very great fall – no, scratch that, I was already falling. I had jumped off a proverbial cliff a few months earlier in dumping my last ex. Now don’t get me wrong, I can take care of myself…but I jumped into something I knew little about and consequentially wasn’t much prepared for. Encountering him in my free-fall was literally a life-saving blessing. If I hadn’t, I might well not be alive today, and no matter how many times I thank him for that, I will always owe him one more.
For a while I thought that perhaps I had simply hit the bottom of the cliff and been lucky with who I found at the bottom, but things weren’t really bad enough for that to have been the case. It wasn’t until some time later that I realized the very bottom would have meant my death.
Kevin and I went farther faster than I ever could have imagined, and I don’t mean that in any kind of sexual way, but emotionally. I never thought I had it in me to fall so fast or so hard for someone, or to be so completely free of doubt about any aspect of our relationship. My longest relationship to date was about three years, but I had never trusted in that one the way I did in mine with Kevin after only a couple of months. The feeling of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have found your soulmate and life partner can be compared to nothing. I was never so happy.
I was vaguely apprehensive about moving in with him when I did, since that was what had begun the downhill slide of me and my ex, but it couldn’t have worked better. We agreed on almost everything, and the few things we disagreed on were easily solved. It was another sign that we were fated to be together, because living with someone is more telltale than anything.
Since I may have made it sound otherwise: yes, Kevin and I are still together. We’ve settled into our domestic routine, an idea that would have viscerally horrified my teenage self, but that I don’t find quite so objectionable anymore. We work, I take classes, we cook, we clean, we watch TV. I seem to have skipped from my mid-twenties to my mid-forties. Back when I was a full-time undergraduate, the excitement of the week could have been anything from a drinking party to a fist-fight to a car crash to my roommates dating or breaking up. These days, it’s getting the oil changed in my car, or getting a particularly good photo of a sunset. Oh, and our somewhat-weekly foray to a local nightclub.
Though I and my friends have scattered to various corners of the country as friends do after school, we managed to keep in touch, through the internet and occasionally face-to-face. While some of them are probably amused that the ultimate symbol of teenage rebeldom from high school has been domesticated, they like Kevin and I know they're happy for me.
I was shocked to discover that I could enjoy this sort of life, find real happiness and pleasure in being comfortable and complacent. At least, that’s what I thought I had discovered.
I’ve been with my boyfriend, Kevin, for just shy of two years now, and have lived with him for about half of that. I came into his life as his last ex was leaving, and let’s just say that no matter how annoying I may be some days, her memory makes me look like an angel. It doesn’t really matter what it was that she did or didn’t do, just that any reasonable person would be hard-pressed to do worse.
The good timing was mutual, though. Kevin came into my life as I was on the precipice of a very great fall – no, scratch that, I was already falling. I had jumped off a proverbial cliff a few months earlier in dumping my last ex. Now don’t get me wrong, I can take care of myself…but I jumped into something I knew little about and consequentially wasn’t much prepared for. Encountering him in my free-fall was literally a life-saving blessing. If I hadn’t, I might well not be alive today, and no matter how many times I thank him for that, I will always owe him one more.
For a while I thought that perhaps I had simply hit the bottom of the cliff and been lucky with who I found at the bottom, but things weren’t really bad enough for that to have been the case. It wasn’t until some time later that I realized the very bottom would have meant my death.
Kevin and I went farther faster than I ever could have imagined, and I don’t mean that in any kind of sexual way, but emotionally. I never thought I had it in me to fall so fast or so hard for someone, or to be so completely free of doubt about any aspect of our relationship. My longest relationship to date was about three years, but I had never trusted in that one the way I did in mine with Kevin after only a couple of months. The feeling of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have found your soulmate and life partner can be compared to nothing. I was never so happy.
I was vaguely apprehensive about moving in with him when I did, since that was what had begun the downhill slide of me and my ex, but it couldn’t have worked better. We agreed on almost everything, and the few things we disagreed on were easily solved. It was another sign that we were fated to be together, because living with someone is more telltale than anything.
Since I may have made it sound otherwise: yes, Kevin and I are still together. We’ve settled into our domestic routine, an idea that would have viscerally horrified my teenage self, but that I don’t find quite so objectionable anymore. We work, I take classes, we cook, we clean, we watch TV. I seem to have skipped from my mid-twenties to my mid-forties. Back when I was a full-time undergraduate, the excitement of the week could have been anything from a drinking party to a fist-fight to a car crash to my roommates dating or breaking up. These days, it’s getting the oil changed in my car, or getting a particularly good photo of a sunset. Oh, and our somewhat-weekly foray to a local nightclub.
Though I and my friends have scattered to various corners of the country as friends do after school, we managed to keep in touch, through the internet and occasionally face-to-face. While some of them are probably amused that the ultimate symbol of teenage rebeldom from high school has been domesticated, they like Kevin and I know they're happy for me.
I was shocked to discover that I could enjoy this sort of life, find real happiness and pleasure in being comfortable and complacent. At least, that’s what I thought I had discovered.
Hello World (Please Start Here)
To those of you who may wander through my little corner of the ether world here...hello, and thank you for visiting. In case you care to find out who I am, I'll answer a few of the basics here. For the interesting things, you'll just have to follow my adventure as it unfolds.
My name is Skylar Blue. I live in the United States, on the east coast, far enough north that this time of year is excruciatingly cold, when you step outside in the morning and can't smell anything because your nose freezes instantly on contact with the air. I live with my boyfriend, work an hourly job, and take college classes...nothing really unusual about me there.
I try to keep drama and extreme stupidity out of my life, but just like anyone else, sometimes they find me anyway. This is one of those times, and I'm starting this blog without the knowledge of any of the people in my life, to document some of the less honest things I've gotten myself into. You could think of this like one person's extended PostSecret. Here is a place for me to tell my stories and introduce to those of you who appear here the hidden side of me...and for you to do the same. Always feel free to tell me your stories, anonymously if you like.
Honesty in secrecy. Here we go.
My name is Skylar Blue. I live in the United States, on the east coast, far enough north that this time of year is excruciatingly cold, when you step outside in the morning and can't smell anything because your nose freezes instantly on contact with the air. I live with my boyfriend, work an hourly job, and take college classes...nothing really unusual about me there.
I try to keep drama and extreme stupidity out of my life, but just like anyone else, sometimes they find me anyway. This is one of those times, and I'm starting this blog without the knowledge of any of the people in my life, to document some of the less honest things I've gotten myself into. You could think of this like one person's extended PostSecret. Here is a place for me to tell my stories and introduce to those of you who appear here the hidden side of me...and for you to do the same. Always feel free to tell me your stories, anonymously if you like.
Honesty in secrecy. Here we go.
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