On Consent

I have the sort of relationship with Consent that isn't acknowledged by well-intentioned sex-educational materials that say things like, "You have to have explicit consent, every time!" I get where they're going with that, and I don't fault them; I'm as against rape as any human with a heart. Particularly with a new partner whom you don't know well, the line between "fuck yes" and "god no" is often not a line at all, but a foggy field. The safest assumption is obviously to wait for the "yes" before the "fuck."

I'm rarely one to shy toward safety, however. I'll generally choose adventure over being comfortable. And how will I ever know what fun might be hiding in that foggy field if I don't take a step in and a wander around? Fear can be a hot button for me. My wiring is a little crossed, and I don't feel bad about it. Apologizing for who I am is pointless and only leads backward.

Aiden has made it clear that he's uncomfortable pushing the consent boundary. If one of us says we're sleepy, or simply doesn't respond to a neck or a shoulder gripped firmly in his teeth, it doesn't go any farther. Sleep is had, and sex is not.

I respect that. He explained to me a while back what the Trust looks like from the Dom's perspective: the faith that the sub will communicate, that they won't call the cops if something goes wrong in scene, that they won't deliberately mistranslate between the outside world and the private one.

I do respect that caution. But sometimes I don't want to be respected. I trust you to respect me in daily life, and to judiciously lay that respect aside when the moment is right.

Sometimes sleep is necessary; sometimes one of us isn't well (I promise not to eat any more pumpkin bean cake), or has to be up early. I don't say no all that often. But even then, sometimes it's a white lie. It's a challenge. It's a test. It's not really a no. I don't know how to communicate that to you, though.

All I can say is, I have a safe word. It's not "No," and the only experiment that would cause a true rift between us is ignoring its use.