Sparky Is Dead

I drove Shelby home from my own town the other night, and we had a remarkable stream of Productive Conversation the whole time. We talked about lots of things over the course of the hour-plus drive, but the moment that sticks in my head was something she said while making the point that she sees Aiden as a very mutable person who sometimes mysteriously forgets who he used to be.

"He asked me the other day, Skylar wants me to be more dominant and I don't really understand...how do I do that?"

For a moment I was speechless, before blurting out something like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Sir has forgotten who he was. My dom - uncapitalized not in error - lost the spark. I saw it going, but I actually managed to have a little faith for once and decided he was just doing it to tease me.

See where faith has gotten me. Maybe being a cynical bitch all the time would be less disappointing.

He made some effort this weekend in the direction of being rougher with me, but I don't know how he's going to pull this one out. If there's one thing in which I have to have absolute trust, it's that my Dom knows what he's doing and has a plan. If he's just lost and wandering, I'm not going to put myself in his hands.

The whole assertive, confident, cocky Dom thing was what made him so exciting in the first place. Adrenaline and intrigue are what I got hooked on. And without that...I don't think there's a whole lot of attraction left.

Shelby said she got over losing her respect for him. She says that about most disappointments - "Yeah, I was angry. And then I got over it." I don't have that. I can't just give up. If I really do lose all the respect I've ever possessed for him, it'll be over. If he's no longer interested in my submission, or in being my Dom, I'll be heartbroken. And I'll go away.

I'm worried about where it's all going. Maybe moving in with them is a mistake. At least I know where I stand with Shelby; she and I have a pretty steady boat most of the time. Aiden's changing just puzzles the hell out of me. I don't understand what happened, and honestly, I'm kind of afraid to hear the answer.

Of all the places I could've imagined us ending up, "slow boring death of passion" wasn't one of them.