The Waves

I feel like I'm drowning in my own life, and I can't see land. Every time I come up for air and feel like I just might make it, another wave comes over my head and pulls me down. And every time I have a little less hope that I will ever come back up again.

And yet, when I do break the surface, the sun is brighter every time.

My old school, to which I am in the process of reapplying, ignored me for two weeks and then decided to tell me that I missed a deadline and could not apply for this coming semester. This after an email from that very office telling me to have papers in "as soon as possible," but not mentioning any deadline.

So I went on an email rampage (politely, of course), sending messages to everybody from my advisor to Admissions to the president of the school. I got a call this afternoon from the director of Admissions, and I was hopeful - until she ran me all up and down and told me, in slightly better-disguised words, that I was lazy and demanding and this whole situation was my fault and I should never have dragged the president into it, blah blah blah. As I was reaching the point where I hoped she would tell me I was out of luck just to get her off the phone, she suddenly said that she was going to accept the paperwork anyway. Not because she wanted to, but because my advisor called me a "superstar" (this was said with terrible sarcasm) and that she "adores" my advisor (with no sarcasm at all, but the implication that I should feel guilty for doing this to a person she adores).

In the end, I won the battle, but came out actually wishing I hadn't. I HATE being critisized, especially in a situation where I felt I had no other choice. I feel now like I should have just given up when they told me to the first time and waited until next semester. I'm triumphant and couldn't possibly feel worse about it.